Mark Trail : Uh-oh, I think I made it mad!

Mark Trail getting attacked by a goose is the sort of thing that can occasionally make me regret retiring this blog.

Beetle Bailey: Try counting sheep.

This is not how you draw a sheep.

This is, in fact, so not how you draw a sheep that I had to come out of semi-comics-blogging-retirement to tell you about it.

The Annotated Family Circus

The short version: I am now blogging at The Annotated Family Circus. I might still blog at The Comics Section occasionally, but at a much lower volume.

For the long version, see the post below.

In which The Comics Section evolves. Or devolves. Or something.

As you may or may not have noticed, depending on how much attention you pay to this silly blog of mine, I haven't been doing the daily Family Circus posts you may or may not have grown accustomed to. Indeed, I haven't been doing any posting at all for the past couple of days. "Why is this?" you may or may not be asking.

Well. As it happens, it actually takes quite a lot of effort to write this blog. That was OK when I was enjoying myself. But lately, keeping the blog up to date has started to feel an awful lot like work. And, frankly, there are other ways I'd like to spend my time and other subjects besides the comics section that I'd like to write about. So I began to give serious consideration to retiring the blog.

But I don't want to give up comics blogging entirely. Of all the aspects of the blog, the one I still enjoy without reservation is the daily Family Circus post. With that in mind, I've created a new blog: The Annotated Family Circus. It's a somewhat different format than what I've been doing here at The Comics Section, and it's a heck of a lot less work. But I think it's still pretty funny, and I'd love it if all my loyal readers (and all of my not-so-loyal readers, too) came and joined me over there. I've decided to host it on Tumblr--which is a decision I'm still not sure about, because it seems sort of glitchy to me--but it seems better a suited for a blog like this. While there is no commenting system at the moment, you can like individual posts and follow the blog if you have a Tumblr account. And of course you can add it to your RSS feed--which you should do immediately--and bookmark it and tell all your friends about it and all that good stuff. There are a couple of weeks worth of posts up already, so go and check it out.

Additionally, I'm going to try my hand at pop culture blogging over at Late Reviews, which is pretty much empty now, though I'm working on getting some content up over there even as you read this. If you're interested in that, feel free to stop by there as well. If you follow me on Twitter, then you're already pretty familiar with the stuff I'll be writing about over there.

As for The Comics Section, I'll still be posting here occasionally when something catches my eye. Most likely, when I do post here, it will be longer, more analytical stuff. (Or, you know, short, snarky stuff. I guess we'll see.) I encourage you to check in to The Comics Section once in a while, but be aware that posting here will be greatly reduced and of a slightly different form (maybe).

Finally, I'd like to thank everyone for reading. I said earlier that the Family Circus posts were the one aspect of the blog that I still enjoy unreservedly, but that's not completely true. That there are people out there who take the time to read my silly blog posts about Beetle Bailey and Hagar the Horrible is a pretty terrific feeling. And I hope you'll continue to read my silly blog posts about The Family Circus. Thank you so much.

And so, in closing, everybody go read my new blog, damn it.

Pluggers: You're a plugger if you started reading "War and Peace" in high school and are nearly done by your 50th class reunion.

And so pluggers are borderline illiterate.

No, this is not surprising.

Marmaduke: Hoping to help me with dinner, are you?

Actually, he was just planning to eat her.

Curtis: Remember, the Brengir is still out there.

And thus ends this year's Kwanzaa-Curtis. On the plus side, I actually understand the moral of this year's story (as opposed to last year's). I also enjoyed the inclusion the mythologically traditional trickster character. And I'm glad the dog came back to life, because I'm a sucker for happy endings.

On the other hand, the lack of COMPLETELY INSANE SHIT was a pretty big disappointment. If a talking yellow mouse was the wildest part of Kwanzaa-Curtis, then it just hasn't been a very exciting Kwanzaa-Curtis. It also seemed a bit shorter than usual.

In any event, I look forward to next year, when I will almost certainly became VERY, VERY EXCITED about it for no discernible reason again.

For Better or For Worse: OK-OK-Would you just go and find something to rub on my back!

This comic is hilarious because John is planning to cannibalize his wife.

In all seriousness, reading through For Better or For Worse reruns, I'm struck by what a gigantic asshole John is most of the time. As I recall, this--like pretty much everything else in the strip--would mellow out over time, but I kind of hate him now.

Mark Trail: A hollowed-out lure would make a good place to hid diamonds!

Given the evidence Mark has here--Ben is using large, lightweight lures--diamond smuggling really is the obvious conclusion.

Marmaduke: He makes friends real quick.

"And then he eats them."

Pearls Before Swine: JEFFY, fat and tattooed, sits on death row receiving last rites.

Not even Jeffy can outrun the law forever, I suppose.

Marmaduke: I threw it, Marmaduke. You're supposed to fetch the ball to me!

Marmaduke would like to fuck this tiny poodle. And then eat it.

Lola: Reasonable price for a whole human being.

And so Lola is an advocate of human slavery.

This is not surprising.

Curtis: Andrew told Lila of his risky idea.

OK, seriously, how in the fuck is this plan even remotely risky?

Beetle Bailey: You can look but you can't touch, right, Amos?

Fucking feminists, with their "no dehumanizing objectification or sexual harassment of coworkers" nonsense, am I right?

Dog Eat Doug: I see a bright future for you in the banking industry.

A cookie is the most delicious metaphor of all.

Big Nate: My favorite place in the mall is Pretzel Time!

This comic is hilarious because fat kids like to eat.

Moderately Confused: Directions to our home? Follow the sound of screaming children.

And this is why you never open the door for Marmaduke, OK kids?

Curtis: It was risky, but it might save her son, and everyone else!

Given that Andrew has already managed to destroy humanity (with the exception of himself and big-eyed, time-traveling Lila here), I'm curious as to what sort of idea would still qualify as risky.

Better Half: I caught a snowflake on my tongue and it tasted like a tropical cocktail.

After a long break, Better Half has returned to its always cogent global warming commentary.

The Phantom: Dad's home!

Ha ha! These kids think they're going to get to see their father! They should know by now that The Phantom doesn't do family time.

Herb and Jamaal: Running up bills, jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth.

This comic is hilarious because women are economically illiterate, irrational liars.

Nancy: I'll show you the most impressive skyscraper of all.

I'm not sure I like where this is going...

Somehow, this is even worse.

Shoe: Senator, I thought you were in a 12-step program.

Alcoholism: almost as funny as torture.

Pluggers: Older pluggers remember, "I see London, I see France, I see someone's underpants!" But back then, it was just embarrassing, not the norm.

Oh, burn! Young people who grew up in the 90s now feel shame for their teenage fashion choices.

Boy, I can't wait until 15 years from now, when Pluggers will finally be ready to give the old what for to all the kids walking around today in their skinny jeans.

Marmaduke: Sorry, Marm. Banking reforms have dried up your pre-approved credit card applications.

Between making Marmaduke sad with banking reform and the mail-related conspiracy to destroy Pluggers, I have never loved Barack Obama more.

Mallard Fillmore: US Universities' 2011 New-Year's Resolution

Mallard Fillmore usually spikes its propaganda with jokes that, while generally terrible, somehow make it easier to swallow. But not today! Today we just get pure propaganda.

Hagar the Horrible: Why can't we ever have a conversation at dinner like other couples?!

This comic is hilarious because women nag and men are slobs.

Curtis: Andrew reacted to the Brengir in anger.

Shit just got real in Kwanzaa-Curtisland, my friends.

For those of you who for whatever reason haven't been paying attention, Andrew here was visited by a glow-y mouse that turned out to be a Brengir. The Brengir granted Andrew a single wish. Andrew--apparently a former Miss America contestant--wished for peace on Earth. Shockingly, the wish didn't go as planned, and the Brengir promptly wiped all of humanity from the planet. And now Andrew wants to take it back, but the Brengir is kind of a dick and OH MY GOD IT KILLED ANDREW'S ADORABLE DOG MAKE IT STOP.

Mark Trail: If I could figure out this stupid reel I could cast a lot better!

Fishing rods are just too complex a machine for the simple female mind. Sure, Mark's annoyed by Kelly's feminine incompetence, but what are you going to do, you know?

Herb and Jamaal: Who's this, Mrs. Johnson?

Alzheimer's disease: it's so silly!

Marmaduke: You've been hanging out at the bowling alley again, haven't you?

I've done the math and it would appear that Marmaduke has eaten at least ten unsuspecting bowlers.

Even more impressively, it appears that Brad Anderson Inc. has managed to fit a nagging wife stereotype into a cartoon about a woman and her dog.

The Phantom: Across town...

Oh, look. The Phantom has children. That he's ignoring. Because he's awful.

Hagar the Horrible: I think that was Hagar breaking one of his New Year's Resolutions!

We're left to guess at the specifics here, but it would appear that Hagar has either fallen off the wagon or started beating his wife again.

Needless to say, the comic is hilarious either way.

Family Circus: I'm sorry, your stomach is mistaken. It's not time for a snack.

This cartoon is hilarious because Jeffy is hungry.

Cow and Boy: Don't talk about global warming. People hate that.

"Barney's movie had heart, but Football in the Groin had a football in the groin."

Mallard Fillmore: Barack Obama's Other 2011 New-Year's Resolution.

There must be a tiny subset of Republicans who wake up every morning and jerk off all over that day's Mallard Fillmore. And they must all be CEOs at major newspaper companies.

I can think of no other reason why Mallard Fillmore would continue to get printed.

Family Circus: Gosh--that corner looks really lonely now.

In Dolly's New World Order, we will keep trees in our house all year long.

Crock and Non Sequitur: Why would he like living in jail?

There are two kinds of prison jokes:

1. Prisoners practically have it better than the rest of us!
2. Anal rape!

No, these are not contradictory at all.

*Non Sequitur from 12-31-10

9 Chickweed Lane: ...Oh, Mr. O'Malley.

In the next exciting installment of 9 Chickweed Lane: Anal sex.

Cow and Boy: Happy Anniversary!

I've mentioned before that I really like seeing older incarnations of a comic juxtaposed against the current incarnation. All the better when the cartoonist manages to do it in a funny way.

Adam at Home, Big Nate, Betty, and Candorville: Have you given any thought to a New Year's resolution?

I don't really blame cartoonists for using any particular trope (unless it's an especially egregious circumstance). The sheer number of stories (short though they may be) that cartoonists have to come up with over the course of a year is pretty daunting, after all.

The problem is that it's hard to really say anything particularly new or interesting or funny when you're simply rehashing a set-up that's been used a thousand times over. And that's what's happening here. These are all solid comic strips, but they're basically just going through the motions today.

Crankshaft: I use mine to kill spiders in the basement.

Make all the fruitcake jokes you want, Crankshaft, you'll never be as hacky as The Born Loser.

Family Circus: Now we get to go back and rerun all the months again.

The sad thing is, Billy's really not kidding at all.