Lola: Reasonable price for a whole human being.

And so Lola is an advocate of human slavery.

This is not surprising.

Lola: Why on EARTH are you naked?!

I think this is supposed to be a Dick in a Box type joke, where the male believes the greatest gift he can give to a woman is his amazing self. But it's not obvious. What is obvious is that this is horrifying.

It's also obvious that Lola's boyfriend does not have a penis. So, new list.

Things you cannot show in the comics section:

1. A grown man's penis.

Lola: But the fire is so delightful.

And so Lola has set her son on fire. Given that Lola is a sociopath and her son is unbearable, this isn't terribly surprising.

Lola and Pluggers: What do you suggest for a vegetarian?

The comics section is really giving vegetarians the old what for today, and I for one applaud the decision to roundly rebuke the tiny percentage of the population that finds eating dead animal flesh problematic for various ethical reasons.

Lola: Here we go, Sal. First shot of the season.

Ha ha! Golf! It's almost like Lola's exactly the same as all those comic strips that feature male leads! Isn't that weird?

Lola: You know, Mom, we have TWO snow shovels!

At first, one might be taken aback to the point of disgust that a grown man would ask his elderly mother to help him shovel snow. But it's important to remember that Lola is, herself, a grown man, one who has merely disguised himself as on old lady. So it's not really all that bad.

Lola: You gonna eat that pickle.

This is pretty clearly a clever attempt on the part Harry to finally get Lola over her reluctance to participate in his perverse food play fantasy.

Lola: So, you want funny, filthy or Fonzie?

This comic is hilarious because all of those words in the third panel begin with the letter F.

Lola: What are you grinning at, Cap'n? You haven't had a promotion in 45 years.

The most interesting thing about Lola is that it purports to be a comic strip about an old lady, but is in fact a comic strip about a grouchy, middle-aged man trapped in the body of an old lady. The problem is that Lola rarely displays any traits that could be described as the traits of an old lady, and to the extent that she does, it is usually limited to the occasional drooping boob joke. She does, however, behave very much like the lead characters in Drabble and The Born Loser (except with drooping boobs), as we can see in the above comic. This is, presumably, the big jokey premise of the strip--as in, ha ha, it's an old lady who acts like a man!--but it suffers from not being particularly funny, even upon the first encounter.

It is, in fact, mostly lazy and cynical, as making the lead character an old lady in appearance only allows the cartoonist to write Lola just like any number of other hacky domestic sitcoms, while at the same time marketing it as different from those strips because the lead character is an old lady. In other words, he can market it as substantially different even though the writing reveals it to be only superficially different. This makes it, in many ways, as safe a bet for moderate success as the medium allows, and thus exactly the sort of thing a syndicate would want.

It also makes it, to my eyes, one of the most frustrating comics in the comic section. Not because of its extremely limited ambition--it has no ambition, but there are tons of equally unambitious comics--and not because of its general terribleness--while it is one of the more terrible comics there are others that are worse--but because of the false promise of the uncommon point of view its title suggests.

There aren't a lot of comics where the lead character is female. Blondie is, for example, titled after the female lead, but the strip's point of view is clearly Dagwood's, so it doesn't count. Luann, Cathy, Stone Soup, Betty and--most distinctively--Sylvia are a few that, whatever their problems, do fit the bill. The only comic specifically about an elderly lady is Momma, which is truly dreadful, and the only other comics that sometimes offer an elderly woman's point of view are Pickles and Grand Avenue.* As its told almost entirely from the lead character's perspective, Lola would make a nice addition to this group, if only she were actually written as an old lady.

Alas, it would not be at all surprising to open the paper one morning and find Lola heading down to the doctor's office for a prostate exam. Which would be hilarious because old ladies don't have prostates. Just like today's comic is hilarious because old ladies don't sit around demanding their women fix them meals.

*Of all the comics mentioned, it's worth pointing out that only Cathy, Stone Soup and Sylvia are actually written by women.

Lola: Where's my warming, Al Gore?

This comic is hilarious because Lola does not understand how global warming works.

Lola: We're cool, right?

When did Santa using a computer become the most hilarious thing ever?

Lola: Ah-choo! Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Oh, snot, will you ever cease to amuse?

Lola: Oh, Ray, it was the worst thing imaginable.

This comic is hilarious because Lola has ruined her family's lives.

Lola: Horse prison is going to be especially tough on you.

Because the only thing funnier than prison rape is prison rape involving horses.

Lola: Opening your heart. Giving your time. Looking out for others.

And so the moral of this week's Lola storyline is that if you are clinically depressed and on the verge of committing suicide, you can cure yourself by carrying a sign urging people to go to a website that urges people to do some sort of vague volunteer work.

It will unfortunately not cure your douchiness, however.

Lola: I feel like I've got no direction. Like a rudderless ship adrift on the ocean.

This comic is hilarious because Lola is attempting to allay her soul-crushing depression by consuming shellfish.*

*Sadly, this might actually be a step in the right direction for her.

Lola: What are you looking for, Mom?

This comic is hilarious because Lola is attempting to allay her soul-crushing depression by consuming artificial cheese product.

Lola: Even her Hannah Montana soccer ball!

Amazingly enough, this is not the first time a Miley Cyrus soccer ball has been featured in the comics section.

Lola: Morning, Mom. What's going on?

This cartoon is hilarious because Lola is depressed and might kill herself, and her son doesn't care.

Lola: We all know where the ball is going.

I'm unsure whether to praise Lola for defying gender stereotypes or to be annoyed that even a comic about an old lady includes lame golf jokes.