Saturday, August 22, 2009

Born Loser: How are we going to come up with that kind of money?

This comic is hilarious because women are too stupid to understand household finances.

Family Circus: When we get home tonight, can we all sleep in the tent out in our back yard?

This cartoon is hilarious because Billy enjoys camping.

Drabble: You're right, Mom. Dad will eat anything!

This comic is hilarious because Penny is overly literal.

Beetle Bailey: You never know when to quit, do you?

Like most marriages in the comics section, General Halftrack's marriage is comprised of characters who hate each other.

Brewster Rockit: What we need is universal tech care for ALL robots!

This comic is hilarious because empathy is an important attribute that far too many seem to lack or disregard.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Family Circus: I'm moving to the non-smoking section.

This cartoon is hilarious because Dolly has discovered that it is advantageous to stand next to a camp fire with her back to the wind so as to not die of smoke inhalation.

Beetle Bailey: We're making s'mores!

This is only tangentially related to today's perfectly acceptable--assuming you're grading on a curve--installment of Beetle Bailey, but I would like to take this opportunity to point out that the s'more is easily one of the most disappointing desserts in existence.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Grizzwells: Maybe I ought to die on New Year's Eve.

Like all friendships in the comics section, this friendship is comprised of characters who mostly despise one another.

Family Circus: Where can I buy a postcard?

The one thing I've admired about this endless Keane Kamping is the way the characters have grown increasingly ragged and tired-looking as the series goes on. Even the dog looks exhausted in this cartoon.

Daddy's Home: CRUN-CH!

This is a pretty funny comic strip.

But the onomatopoeia bothers me. The CRUN-CH! is in Pete's word bubble, but Pete is obviously not saying it. Further, the CRUN-CH! is unnecessary, as Pete's dialog explains the problem with the muffins perfectly well. And further still, what's with the dash in between CRUN and CH? I'm guessing it's there to denote, um, chewing or something, but it doesn't really do that very well.

Of course, I tend to not be a very big fan of onomatopoeia in general, as it very rarely adds anything of value and is annoyingly hard to spell.

The Comics Section goes golfing.

I'm not actually golfing, of course, because I don't actually live in a comic strip. But I am away on vacation right now, which is why the blog has been so barren for the last few days. I kind of thought I would have Internet access by now, but it hasn't worked out that way. So you can expect yet more barrenness until Monday or so, at which point this post will be replaced by forty-plus posts about how terrible the comics have been since I left. The catch-up is going to suck. By the end of it, I will either be a hollow shell no longer able to take enjoyment from Family Circus mockery or more bitter and sarcastic than ever before. We'll see how it goes.

UPDATE: In a cruel twist of fate, I was actually camping for part of my vacation. So, yes, my life is literally turning into a Bil Keane cartoon. Soon I will marry a constantly angry housewife, who will give birth to a passel of hydrocephalic toddlers.

UPDATE 2: And the blog is now up to date. I was going to delete this post, but now I think it would be better to just let it stand as a testimony to my diligence. As in, yes, I really did write 60 posts about two weeks worth of comic strips in one week.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Lola: What do you think about thongs?

This comic is hilarious because OH MY GOD NO GET THIS HORRIBLE IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD.

Ziggy: I tried to "Google" Google...and the paradox was to much for my computer!

That's odd, because when I Google "Google," I get a bunch of search results related to Google.

Family Circus: Mommy, this is Tommy Libonate from the RV by the lake. Can he stay overnight?

This comic is hilarious because Billy has recruited a hobo into his cult.

Dog Eat Doug: "Galactic Zombie Squirrels Vs. The Sorority Babes with Chainsaws"?!!

There's something about the construction of this joke that makes it less funny than it ought to be. The humor comes from the ridiculous inappropriateness of the title, but the comic is too wordy for it's own good and buries the title underneath unnecessary verbiage. Part of this is just Brian Anderson's style, as he tends toward the long-winded, but it doesn't really work here.

That said, I really wish this movie were real.

Drabble: My sense of humor is both a blessing and a curse!

As someone who reads it every day, I am well-qualified to make the following assessment: The humor in Drabble is always a curse.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Family Circus: Daddy always fixes it with a knife. He cuts the whole thing off and starts over.

Honestly, I have no idea how this cartoon could possibly be construed as hilarious in any way. Is there an actual joke here? I guess we're supposed to think Bill is lazy, but his method of fixing tangled wire seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Marmaduke: I don't care what your GPS says is the shortest route. Get me out of here!

The woman has the right idea, but unfortunately for her, if you can see the whites of Marmaduke's eyes, it's already too late.

In the next exciting installment of Marmaduke: Marmaduke declines dinner because he's already full.

Born Loser: I'll have two overcooked fried eggs, burned toast, raw bacon and a cup of day-old coffee!

This comic is hilarious because Brutus hates the diner he goes to, but because he takes a perverse pleasure out of misery, he will continue to go there forever.

And so, really, The Born Loser isn't so much about a born loser as it is about a nihilistic masochist who's afraid of change.

Drabble: Dad's trying to get on top of the raft again!!

So fun in the Drabble house consists of watching Dad masturbate with a pool raft.

I don't think anything can surprise me anymore.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Family Circus: ...or coloring books or board games or puzzles or storybooks or...

This cartoon is hilarious because Thel's life continues to suck. A lot.

Marmaduke: Good dog.

Today's Marmaduke demonstrates that antiquated, sexist jokes never die. They just get relegated to the gaping abyss that is the comics section.

Lola: I have, jerk!

This comic is hilarious because Lola is very dumb.

Alternatively, this comic is hilarious because the cartoonist is so lazy that he is perfectly comfortable manipulating his characters into unrealistic situations if doing so will facilitate the telling of whatever lame joke he's thought up today.

Candorville: It was thought-provoking.

This kind of joke, where what a character says is contrasted against what the same character thinks, is a personal favorite of mine. Comic strips lend themselves well to this kind of humor, but cartoonists don't use it all that often for whatever reason.

PC and Pixel: I see you're having a stimulus of your own there, huh, Pixel?

This cartoon is hilarious because it has the word "stimulus" in it.

Baldo: I don't want to worry you.

And so Baldo has decided to bludgeon his father to death with a baseball bat. He's always seemed to love his father, so this is somewhat odd. But perhaps this is just the beginning of yet another polemic about how Baldo watches too much of teh demon television, and now it has driven him to murder.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Family Circus: Will this make the flowers grow?

This cartoon is hilarious because Bill and Thel may be terrible human beings, but not even they deserve this.

Beetle Bailey: I'm bored. There's nothing to do around here.

Beetle's behavior in this comic seems to be in direct contradiction to everything we know about him. It's almost as if Mort Walker Inc. cares less about characterization than it does about fitting in an old joke The Family Circus actually did better a couple months ago.

Drabble: You didn't come home from the store. You came home with the store!

This comic is hilarious because:
  1. Ruth has bought a lot of food,
  2. Ralph is incapable of uttering anything but old cliches, and
  3. the entire middle section is completely unnecessary and only exists because the cartoonist decided to be lazy and stretch a three-panel daily into a Sunday strip.

Blondie: Well, hello there!

So in the world of Blondie, there are apparently door-to-door clowns.

I'm not terribly surprised by this, but I am horrified by it.

Pickles: And you think this looks better?

This comic is hilarious because old people are ugly.