Saturday, May 2, 2009

Marmaduke: Ever notice how he can dream without sleeping.

Two things:

1. Humans can do this, too. It's called daydreaming. There is nothing unique or interesting or, least of all, funny about it.

2. What the hell is Marmaduke doing in a store?

Family Circus: If airliners took off like that, they wouldn't need runways.

This cartoon is hilarious because if airplanes were space shuttles, they would take off like space shuttles, not airplanes.

And also because the Keanes apparently own a flat-screen black and white television.

Close to Home: Good. His wallet seems to be very full. Send him through to pre-op.

Golly, and now a joke about how health care is expensive.

Close to Home sure has been showing off some impressive originality lately.

Dennis the Menace: Sure is a nice day to inivte your neighbor over for a barbecue.

This cartoon is hilarious because Dennis wants to eat Mr. Wilson's food.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Adam@Home: I coulda been a ringmaster. I look great in a top hat.

I think we all know why Adam bought that authentic replica ringmaster costume, and Laura will soon enough. If they're really creative, maybe they'll find a way to incorporate the glow stick and the pony, too.

I think I'm beginning to regret writing this post, actually.

Family Circus: Did you hurt yourself?

This cartoon is hilarious because Jeffy is an enormous crybaby.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Adam@Home: I wanna see that motorcycle guy who drives in the sphere of death.

The "motorcycle guys in the sphere of death" is easily the best circus act ever. I am being completely serious. It is awesome.

At least it was when I was nine.

Pluggers: Your dad must still be on the computer.

[Insert porn joke here.]

Family Circus: They don't bite or sting. They just flutter.

This cartoon is hilarious because Dolly likes butterflies.

Shoe: How is it that people always die in alphabetical order?

I've been operating under the impression that Skylar is a wiseass. This comic, however, seems to suggest that he's just stupid.

Ziggy: Stupidity for Dummies.

This cartoon is hilarious because Ziggy's so stupid he needs to read a book about how to be stupid.

No, it doesn't make any sense.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Beetle Bailey: It's work, work, work/ all day long / I ain't got time/ to sing a song.

His complaint would make more sense if he weren't singing a song right now.

Wizard of Id: Don't you hate it when work starts piling up.

I'm just glad the Wizard of Id isn't colored on weekdays.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Family Circus and Pearls Before Swine: I can't even afford pants.

Today's Family Circus is hilarious because Billy and Dolly's argument just proves that neither of them is modest.

Dennis Mitchell, meanwhile, in today's Pearls Before Swine, is immodest in an entirely different way.

Sally Forth: I'm going to my cubicle to listen to "Guns of Brixton."

This is actually another good example of using Twitter to tell a joke about something else, which in this case is the uncoolness of Sally and her friends.

Mostly, though, this post exists because The Clash falls under The Vonnegut Axiom, such that any reference to said band will be considered worthy of an entry on this blog.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: My whttlin' ain't a big, fat waste of time!!

Snuffy has apparently managed to whittle an entire tree into a single stick.

So suck on that, Earth Day.

Mark Trail: Suddenly the brave little dog decides to turn and challenge the attackers.

Now Sassy deserves to die, too.

And that's some quality continuity there. Apparently when Elrod wrote that Rusty tripped, what he meant was that Rusty, um, didn't trip?

Momma: Mrs. Hobbs, would you entrust your heart to me?


Luann: Look at you heft that hose.

Wait, is this a comic strip or the opening scene of a porn movie?

Close to Home: I'd say you're looking at about $1,700.

Wow, I don't think I've ever seen a joke about how mechanics are sometimes dishonest before.

The Wizard of Id: I've been trying to give mine away for years.

This comic is hilarious because the wizard and his wife hate each other.

Ziggy: Your trash is overqualified.

This cartoon is hilarious because Ziggy's trash is too trashy for the trashmen to take to the dump.

No, it doesn't make any sense to me either.

Monday, April 27, 2009

xkcd: My dad said flu vaccines are linked to autism, so to be safe from swine flu I'm trying to lick an autistic kid.

Lots of comics have been making jokes about Twitter lately, and they've mostly been lame. What sets this xkcd apart is that it's not so much about Twitter as it is about swine flu. Which is to say, most of the comics have been using Twitter as a joke in and of itself, whereas this cartoon is using Twitter as a vehicle for a joke about something else. It works much better.

Pluggers: You're a plugger if you set the kitchen timer, then forget what you set it for.

This cartoon is hilarious because pluggers are senile.

Family Circus: If the 'conomy doesn't improve, I think Daddy might hafta let PJ go.

This cartoon is hilarious because Bill and Thel are going to sell PJ into slavery.

And also because Billy said "'conomy" instead of "economy."

Beetle Bailey: What's your excuse this time?

Sarge is not impressed by Beetle's act of charity. And why would he be, after all? It's not as though walking for the needy is any more inherently noble than mindlessly following orders and walking for no good reason.

Dennis the Menace: I'm loaning our bathtub to Joey so his turtle can have a vacation.

I once kept a turtle in a bathtub for years. True story.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

A Softer World: When Kurt Vonnegut suggested that...

I don't have a whole lot to say about this other than that it's undoubtedly true, but whenever a comic strip references Kurt Vonnegut, it's getting an entry on this blog.

Pluggers aren't nearly as eager to slide into home plate as they used to be.

This cartoon is hilarious because pluggers are fat.

Shoe: Do you have a dog that looks like Geoge Clooney.

It sure seems like a lot of work to go all the way to the animal shelter just to tell that lame joke.

But I suppose if you're life is as empty and miserable as Cosmo's, lame jokes are all you have.

Hi and Lois: Hold it, boys!

There is no teenage male on the face of the planet who would say "Hold it, boys!" to his friends. It sounds like Lois's dialogue, not Chip's. Bad writing, that.

Baby Blues: It was an accident.

This comic is hilarious because children lie.