I'm feeling magnanimous, so there are just going to have to be a few best comics of the day today. 
Having failed, like so many women before her, to seduce Mark, Miss Kelly Welly has decided to go back to her hotel room and masturbate.
I actually hate Elmo, but I love that Satchel loves him.
In a shocking twist, Billy has turned on Dolly and begun to reassert Thel's illusion of control. It will be interesting to see how Dolly reacts. It's possible she'll just give the signal and this mall Santa will suffocate to death Billy with his beard.
But there has, Summer! Les is dead! He's horribly, horribly dead!
This joke wouldn't have been funny anyway, but the internal explanation really ruins it. Sometimes you just have to trust your audience.
Moral compasses are often glitchy, actually.
This cartoon is hilarious because Marmaduke has ruined some family's Christmas.
At this point, I think I'm actually going to be sort of annoyed if Les doesn't die horribly.
And so Jeffy has apparently come to accept his future in Hell.
Off the Mark is a really solid single-panel gag cartoon that I rarely talk about but usually enjoy. Today's installment uses both Twitter and a pun in service of a joke, which normally wouldn't be a good sign, but Mark Parisi manages to pull it off.
The Phantom's excuses for ignoring his children get better all the time.
This comic is hilarious because, er, something vague and snide about vegetarianism.
And so Les is going to die horribly.
This cartoon is hilarious because the Keane children have been coloring a lot (specifically with Christmas colors) and need new crayons.
Actually, there's no part of this entire Get Fuzzy storyline that is not amazing.
Reindeer puns are going to get old pretty quickly.
Jeffy's insatiable appetite has been well established at this point. And given his less socially acceptable tastes, providing a constant supply of cookies is probably the way to go.
Nothing rocks harder than a goat. True story.
Cherry's completely unhinged reaction to a common sitcom misunderstanding might seem a bit overdone. But you have to remember that she's a woman, and as such her female parts prevent her from having any control over her emotions.
Ho ho, and I bet all their tattoos and piercings will look silly, too!
This comic is hilarious because Les is evidently unaware that the entire world that he inhabits is a sick joke.
And so Billy apparently knows that homeowner's insurance is. Further proof that he's a genius? I'd say so.
Bone definitely falls under the Vonnegut axiom. And Agnes is good too, so everybody wins.
Miss Kelly Welly just instantly became my new favorite comic strip villain.
The joke here is harmless, but segregation really seems like the sort of thing comic strips should probably avoid making even loose references to.
There is no part of today's Get Fuzzy that is not amazing.
If it turns out that Les's entire, annoying success tour was a dream and he's actually been laying on his deathbed the whole time, well, that would be pretty awesomely horrible.
If there's a question mark next to someone's name, you haven't actually finished your Christmas list. So this set-up really doesn't make any sense. What's weirder is that it's entirely superfluous. It's not as the comic needed begin with, "Look! I finished my Christmas list!" It could just as easily have begun with, "I'm not sure what to get you." And yet.
Maybe "ignorant juicebag" is a thing people say somewhere, but it looks like a standards and practices sort of thing to me. So an update is in order:
This comic is hilarious because Hi does not have a discerning palette.
Billy's really going to have to knock this shit off if he wants to be taken seriously as a prophet.
...is apparently to grimace horribly like Mark Trail. Who knew?
