Blondie: Look! I finished my Christmas list!

If there's a question mark next to someone's name, you haven't actually finished your Christmas list. So this set-up really doesn't make any sense. What's weirder is that it's entirely superfluous. It's not as the comic needed begin with, "Look! I finished my Christmas list!" It could just as easily have begun with, "I'm not sure what to get you." And yet.

Blondie: Hey, c'mon! Get off Facebook, we've got work to do!!

Credit to Dean Young here for using newish technology in service of a character-based joke rather than as a punchline in and of itself.

Young also deserves a little bit of credit for just calling Facebook, "Facebook." He does appear to have taken some liberties with Foursquare, however.

Blondie: Is that the inside of our refrigerator.

Here we see Dagwood's version of a live sex show.

He's so excited, he forgot to masturbate.

Blondie: Hey, Dag, the vending machines are empty again.

The first two panels in this Blondie, as in many Sunday strips, are throw-away panels so newspapers can excise them to save space while still maintaining the cohesion of the comic. My newspaper, however, decided to leave the first panel in while taking the second panel out. The result being that I thought the comic was about Dagwood being sad about empty vending machines (despite his earlier facade of nonchalance) when it was in fact about him trying to decide whether he wanted pizza or corned beef for dinner. I think.

As it turns out, it's not funny either way.

Blondie: Maybe a nice hug would help.

And so Dagwood and Mr. Dithers have finally consummated their love. We exit with Dagwood pondering just what to do next. Keep their passionate affair a secret to spare his long-time wife's feelings or follow his desire and destroy his marriage? Regardless of what he decides, nothing will ever be quite the same again.

Blondie: It says here that this cola is a new and improved formula.

Wow, a New Coke joke. And only 25 years too late. But, of course, that only makes it more hilarious.

Blondie: I still can't believe a baseball player turned down 25 million dollars a year!

While we may never discover just what exactly it is that Dagwood does for work, today's comic rather definitively rules out the possibility that he is any sort of agent.

Also, yes, how we all miss the good old days when baseball players played for the love of the game and died penniless wretches, while team owners did everything they could to avoid paying them more, all the while getting filthy rich off of their labors.* Truly, that was the natural order of things.

*To some extent, of course, this is as questionable a myth as the one Dagwood peddles above. The question is, why is Dagwood's myth so much more popular nowadays?

Blondie: Ready? Ready for what?

Looking through the archives, it appears that Blondie is the rare comic that's at its worst in the Sunday strips. Never a bastion of originality, Sunday's the day when Dean Young Inc. breaks out their hoariest old tropes. Today we get the always hilarious "Ha ha, men can't remember dates that are important to their wives!" joke, previously used all of two weeks ago.

Blondie: Full conact golf!

And so Herb and Dagwood have finally found an outlet for all that sexual tension.

Blondie: Look, people are growing their own food in "recession gardens" to beat the economy.

As with Jeffy, Dagwood's laziness is trumped only by his gluttony.

Blondie: I sure appreciate this little favor, Herb.

A few notes on this Sunday edition of Blondie:

1. Why does Herb always have to pee? Doesn't he watch Wheel of Fortune?* Hasn't he seen all those Flomax ads?
2. What naturalistic exposition!**
3. Why does Dagwood keep asking Herb to do him favors? Why does Dagwood even consider Herb a friend? Herb is a terrible person.
4. Ha! Men! They can't ever remember things that are important to their loved ones!
   

*This is Blondie. Of course he watches Wheel of Fortune.

**Not really!

Blondie: Remember our 10th anniversary? A dab of barbecue sauce behind each ear?!

Dagwood's food fetish is beginning to disturb me. If we ever see Blondie dressed up as a giant hamburger, I'm out.

Blondie: Hey! There's the husband of the year!

To recap: Dagwood made dinner once. This apparently makes him the best husband in the whole Blondieverse.

The comics section truly does get more progressive with each passing day.

Blondie: If only it were rabbit season.

This comic is hilarious because Mr. Dithers would like to shoot and kill his employee, but feels constrained by a particular law that has no actual bearing on the situation.

Blondie: Herb, you got a minute?

This comic is hilarious because Herb has to pee.*

*We aim for the highbrow here at The Comics Section.

Blondie: Uh-oh!

Ha ha! Gender stereotypes!

Basically the whole comics section: You can't go to bed now!

These comics are all hilarious because midnight sure does come late, doesn't it?

Blondie: She'd better, 'cause it's gonna be the most expensive one I've ever had!

This comic is hilarious because women love shopping and are too stupid to handle their money in a reasonable manner.

Blondie: Geesh! Another dip on a cell phone!

This comic is hilarious because Dagwood is both a hypocrite and an asshat.

Blondie: What's cooki', good lookin'?

The ease with which Dagwood throws Blondie into a fainting spell here finally reveals what is almost certainly the secret to her admittedly impressive physique.