Saturday, December 4, 2010

F Minus: Hopefully, someday in the future they will find a cure for getting stuck in the air ducts.

There's probably no strip around right now that's better at puncturing the little bubbles of ritual we build around ourselves than F Minus. Today's comic, in particular, is just brutal. All the well-wishes at funerals, all the hopes for cures, all the promises of heaven, all of it--it's the lady in this cartoon. Nothing cures death, people.

None of that sounds very funny, but a really good comic strip can point out that, actually, it kind of is.

Family Circus: I can't find what channel we're on.

Here we see future prophet Billy making a wry comment on the vapidity of modern religious exercise by equating his hymnal to a television--the most evil creation in all of Keanville. It's a bold move, though one he can obscure beneath a facade of adorableness for now. When he gets older, however, these will be the sorts of statements that will surely get him martyred.

Crock: My marriage is losing its romance, Sage.

This comic is hilarious because the fat woman's marriage is failing because she's fat. This comic is also hilarious because the fat woman is fat.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Get Fuzzy: So now you're saying that Oscar the Grouch is the toughest children's character?

Look. The punchline to this joke about Oscar the Grouch and the Grinch involves Ellis Island. You need more?

The Phantom and Mark Trail: Savarna?!

The main role of women in The Phantom and Mark Trail is to cause problems. And here they are doing that again with their silly feminine jealousy. It's not their fault, obviously--vaginae and hormones and whatnot. But it would be nice if they'd just stay out of our big, asexual heroes' way and let them save some poor defenseless animals.

Poor defenseless animals that aren't human females, I mean.

Shoe: Hot air always rises.

I have no interest in taking the time to prove it, but I'm fairly certain Shoe uses the hot air gag at least once a week.

Luann: I am so glad I decided to shave my legs this morning.

I am so glad the censors prevented the final panel of this comic from being published. At least I assume that's what happened.

Unfortunately, various forms of that hypothetical fourth panel will be running through my nightmares all night tonight.

Family Circus: Look, Mommy! THREEplicates!

Oh, you like the word "triplets," do you? Well, I've got some bad news...

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Herb and Jamaal: What am I doing in these online talk rooms?

Here we see the inner turmoil of a sex chat addict. Ashamed to be logging on once again, Jamaal questions his motives. He tries to disassociate himself: "These folks [not me, Jamaal, but these folks] seem to be trying to live out their fantasies!" He then resigns himself to always being an addict and, at the same time, justifies his addiction by positing that he's really just there to marvel at all the freaks: "You know it's unbelievable, but you just GOTTA look." Yeah, Jamaal, I know. You keep telling yourself that.

Peanuts: Promotion! Don't kid yourself ... Everything these days is promotion!

Lucy's cynicism makes her a girl after my own heart.

Family Circus: They named their baby "Grandma"?

Jeffy. Idiot. Rinse. Repeat.

Dennis the Menace: Let us in, Margaret, or we'll huff an' puff an' blow your house down!

It was all fun and games until Margaret boiled Dennis alive.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Mark Trail: Mark's going to be surprised when he sees me at his door!

In the next titillating installment of Mark Trail: Through a completely organic and uncontrived misunderstanding, Mark emerges from the shower and walks into the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel, only find Miss Kelly Welly lounging provocatively on his bed. Unintentional hilarity ensues.

Funky Winkerbean: Remember to pull your jacket down when you're sitting down on the set to avoid getting a hump in the back.

Ha ha, Mike's acting like a woman because he's nagging and that's what women do!

Family Circus: I like this shirt. It's the same color as my dirt.

"Which I use to bury my victims."

Get Fuzzy: So in your opinion, Barney is the toughest children's character?

Bucky's deconstructionist analysis of children's characters is not all together different from my analysis of the Keane children. Of course, Bucky's completely serious about. And I'm not. Not completely, anyway.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Mark Trail: You must be Miss Kelly Welly.

If Kelly Welly isn't a whore's name, I don't know what is.

Family Circus: See, Daddy! The Christmas stuff IS up!

Department stores sure do start whoring Christmas out early these days, don't they? Ha hOH MY GOD WHO DECAPITATED SANTA CLAUS AND AFFIXED HIS HEAD TO A POLE?

Seriously, though, that works surprisingly well as a metaphor, unintentional though I'm sure it was. Unless ... is anyone else seeing that sly smile on Jeffy's face?

Blondie: Hey, c'mon! Get off Facebook, we've got work to do!!

Credit to Dean Young here for using newish technology in service of a character-based joke rather than as a punchline in and of itself.

Young also deserves a little bit of credit for just calling Facebook, "Facebook." He does appear to have taken some liberties with Foursquare, however.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Doonesbury: I'm really busy, Zipper.

Today's Doonesbury is the best comic of the day not so much because of the Martin Luther King joke at the end (which is funny), but because of the throw-away gag at the beginning, in which Zonker claims to be busy while sitting around drinking beer and eating potato chips. The joke is, impressively, both specific and universal at the same time, in that it's very much character-based, while nonetheless something everybody does from time to time.

Mark Trail: I told Cherry I'd call when I got to the camp and settled in ... I'll do that now!

Jack Elrod really does appear to be setting up a "sexy seductress threatens the Mark and Cherry relationship" storyline. Maybe it will fool a few Johnny-come-latelies, but long time readers know that Mark is not only immune to sexual temptations, but outright terrified of them.

Luann: There's great danger in chemical fires...

Despite getting tons of traffic from people searching for Luann porn, I've never gotten any traffic from people searching for hot Brad and Toni action. Perhaps Greg Evans is trying to break a new demographic. Or perhaps the apparent metaphor here is just clever misdirection, and Brad and Toni are about to be consumed in an actual chemical fire.

I know which one I'm hoping for.

Family Circus: Let me take a wild guess. Turkey sandwich for lunch today?

At this point, I think we need to consider the possibility that Billy and Dolly have formed an uneasy alliance so as to better accomplish their ambitious, world-altering goals. As Billy was making suggestions to future dictator Dolly just the other day, here we see him doing her dirty work and making Thel feel inadequate as a mother. "If GRANDMA were here, we'd be getting CORNISH HENS for lunch."

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Family Circus: Not me!

And the gremlins are back. Because the Keane house just wasn't horrifying enough already.