There's probably no strip around right now that's better at puncturing the little bubbles of ritual we build around ourselves than F Minus. Today's comic, in particular, is just brutal. All the well-wishes at funerals, all the hopes for cures, all the promises of heaven, all of it--it's the lady in this cartoon. Nothing cures death, people. 
Here we see future prophet Billy making a wry comment on the vapidity of modern religious exercise by equating his hymnal to a television--the most evil creation in all of Keanville. It's a bold move, though one he can obscure beneath a facade of adorableness for now. When he gets older, however, these will be the sorts of statements that will surely get him martyred.
This comic is hilarious because the fat woman's marriage is failing because she's fat. This comic is also hilarious because the fat woman is fat.
Look. The punchline to this joke about Oscar the Grouch and the Grinch involves Ellis Island. You need more?
The main role of women in The Phantom and Mark Trail is to cause problems. And here they are doing that again with their silly feminine jealousy. It's not their fault, obviously--vaginae and hormones and whatnot. But it would be nice if they'd just stay out of our big, asexual heroes' way and let them save some poor defenseless animals.
I have no interest in taking the time to prove it, but I'm fairly certain Shoe uses the hot air gag at least once a week.
I am so glad the censors prevented the final panel of this comic from being published. At least I assume that's what happened.
Here we see the inner turmoil of a sex chat addict. Ashamed to be logging on once again, Jamaal questions his motives. He tries to disassociate himself: "These folks [not me, Jamaal, but these folks] seem to be trying to live out their fantasies!" He then resigns himself to always being an addict and, at the same time, justifies his addiction by positing that he's really just there to marvel at all the freaks: "You know it's unbelievable, but you just GOTTA look." Yeah, Jamaal, I know. You keep telling yourself that.
Lucy's cynicism makes her a girl after my own heart.
It was all fun and games until Margaret boiled Dennis alive.
In the next titillating installment of Mark Trail: Through a completely organic and uncontrived misunderstanding, Mark emerges from the shower and walks into the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel, only find Miss Kelly Welly lounging provocatively on his bed. Unintentional hilarity ensues.
Ha ha, Mike's acting like a woman because he's nagging and that's what women do!
"Which I use to bury my victims."
Bucky's deconstructionist analysis of children's characters is not all together different from my analysis of the Keane children. Of course, Bucky's completely serious about. And I'm not. Not completely, anyway.
Department stores sure do start whoring Christmas out early these days, don't they? Ha hOH MY GOD WHO DECAPITATED SANTA CLAUS AND AFFIXED HIS HEAD TO A POLE?
Credit to Dean Young here for using newish technology in service of a character-based joke rather than as a punchline in and of itself. 
Today's Doonesbury is the best comic of the day not so much because of the Martin Luther King joke at the end (which is funny), but because of the throw-away gag at the beginning, in which Zonker claims to be busy while sitting around drinking beer and eating potato chips. The joke is, impressively, both specific and universal at the same time, in that it's very much character-based, while nonetheless something everybody does from time to time.
Jack Elrod really does appear to be setting up a "sexy seductress threatens the Mark and Cherry relationship" storyline. Maybe it will fool a few Johnny-come-latelies, but long time readers know that Mark is not only immune to sexual temptations, but outright terrified of them.
Despite getting tons of traffic from people searching for Luann porn, I've never gotten any traffic from people searching for hot Brad and Toni action. Perhaps Greg Evans is trying to break a new demographic. Or perhaps the apparent metaphor here is just clever misdirection, and Brad and Toni are about to be consumed in an actual chemical fire.
At this point, I think we need to consider the possibility that Billy and Dolly have formed an uneasy alliance so as to better accomplish their ambitious, world-altering goals. As Billy was making suggestions to future dictator Dolly just the other day, here we see him doing her dirty work and making Thel feel inadequate as a mother. "If GRANDMA were here, we'd be getting CORNISH HENS for lunch."
And the gremlins are back. Because the Keane house just wasn't horrifying enough already.
