Marmaduke: Hoping to help me with dinner, are you?

Actually, he was just planning to eat her.

Marmaduke: He makes friends real quick.

"And then he eats them."

Marmaduke: I threw it, Marmaduke. You're supposed to fetch the ball to me!

Marmaduke would like to fuck this tiny poodle. And then eat it.

Marmaduke: Sorry, Marm. Banking reforms have dried up your pre-approved credit card applications.

Between making Marmaduke sad with banking reform and the mail-related conspiracy to destroy Pluggers, I have never loved Barack Obama more.

Marmaduke: You've been hanging out at the bowling alley again, haven't you?

I've done the math and it would appear that Marmaduke has eaten at least ten unsuspecting bowlers.

Even more impressively, it appears that Brad Anderson Inc. has managed to fit a nagging wife stereotype into a cartoon about a woman and her dog.

Marmaduke: None of these decorations is off our tree.

This cartoon is hilarious because Marmaduke has ruined some family's Christmas.

Marmaduke: Why can't he just be satisfied with a squeak toy?

I'm almost 100% certain that this is a direct reference to Internet pornography. Featuring Marmaduke.

I'm so, so sorry.

Marmaduke: Luther! Guess who just got home from vacation.

It would seem that Luther is having what can only be described as a very bad day. In the first place, his wife appears to be transforming into some sort of pig-creature. And in the second place, she is apparently in cahoots with Marmaduke, who at this very moment is scaling the fence, no doubt in an effort to feast on Luther's sweet, succulent flesh with his new pig-creature friend.

Marmaduke: No, you won't. I'll go and apologize.

Marmaduke is often the brunt of jokes--and often the brunt of my jokes--but it is far from the worst comic in the comics section. It's generally at its best when it goes for the absurd, but today's is funny mostly for the overexcited expression on Phil's face.

Marmaduke: Do you suppose you could rest your head someplace else while I read the newspaper.

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Marmaduke: Just go help find Mr. Fuzzy or we'll never get any sleep!

Mr. Fuzzy is, of course, Marmaduke's latest severed head/plaything.

They call it Mr. Fuzzy cause it has a beard!

Marmaduke: Want me to call a tow truck to pull him off the sofa?

This cartoon is hilarious because [Man-on-dog sodomy joke here.]

Marmaduke: Didn't they teach you about babysitting in obedience school?

Look, little girl, no matter how hard you try to tell him otherwise, Marmaduke knows that babies are for eating. That's why they're so delicious.

Marmaduke: He insisted on stopping in at the church.

Yes, Marmaduke has eaten an angel.

No, this is not surprising.

Marmaduke: Even an ice storm won't stop Marm from checking his bones.

By which Phil of course means "killing people and needing a place to bury their horrifically mutilated remains."

Marmaduke: Has anyone seen my reading glasses?

Fortunately for Phil, Marmaduke has just eaten someone and taken his reading glasses a trophy.

This is how Phil has gotten most of possessions, actually.

Marmaduke: That's just part of his charm, Aunt Emma.

This cartoon is hilarious because biting off your head and licking out your brains is just Marmaduke's way of letting you know he thinks you're swell.

Marmaduke: We have to talk about your timing.

We generally have to turn to the corpse of Johnny Hart to get our daily dose of inappropriate human-animal relationships, but today's Marmaduke reveals yet another sordid comics section affair.

Marmaduke: Where do you find these never-ending New Year's parties?

Having finally been pushed to his breaking point, Phil has laid a brilliant trap for his drunken Great Dane in the form of a spiraling void of death just inside the door that will carry Marmaduke back down to the hell from whence he came.

Marmaduke: Can we do a combo meal with gravy instead of a drink?

Having read the caption before looking at the cartoon, I was, in all seriousness, completely certain that it went with the latest installment of Pluggers.