Saturday, March 27, 2010

Agnes: I have organized this space for optimum scholastic endeavors.

This is an excellent usage of the silent penultimate panel.

The Phantom: You LOATHE pirates as much as I do, Walker! We can have a LIFE together!

It's true, though. All the best relationships really are built on a mutual abhorrence of others.

Also, The Phantom is a douche.

Family Circus: Mommy, the lightbulb in my lamp just ran out of 'lectricity.

This cartoon is hilarious because Dolly doesn't understand how lightbulbs work.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Mark Trail: I caught the guy taking pictures inside the cooler ... he ran into the woods behind the lake!

The fat lady with the tiny head has an odd definition of "caught." Then again, when you're dealing with MFT,* a word like that really does become relative.

*Mark Fucking Trail

Family Circus: Can you please feel my head and see if I'm gettin' a headache?

This cartoon is interesting not so much because of Jeffy's usual display of idiocy, but because, really, who the hell places their flat screen television set directly on the floor? The whole situation seems set up to suggest that Jeffy's stupidity is very much a genetic condition.

Crock: Bullets?

Ha ha! Adultery and domestic violence! It never gets old!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Adam @ Home and Close to Home: I framed my kid's drawing and hung it up over there.

I for one am thrilled to see that the cartoonists populating the comics section have such an appreciation for the artists who came before them.

Adam @ Home from 3-24-10.

Ziggy: Simplify you're life.

Leave it to Ziggy to remind us that tax season is fast approaching. A couple of last year's greatest tax humor hits included references to laxatives and anal rape. What do the anti-tax crusaders of the comics section have in store for us this year? Only time will tell!

The Phantom: He'll be MINE FOREVER!

This is not a healthy relationship.

Mark Trail: I was lucky to get away from her!

I don't really have any witty comment to add here. I just think that drawing of Mark Trail running in the last panel needs to preserved for posterity and seen by as many people as possible.

Family Circus: No, I'm not the oldest in the family--Daddy is.

This cartoon is hilarious because Billy has correctly identified the oldest member of his household. He's so stupid!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Shoe: Take me to the opera tonight.

Even male birds hate the opera ha ha ha.

Mallard Fillmore: Little did I know that that would be the HIGHLIGHT of my PRESIDENCY...

Probably not the best timing on this one, Mallard.

Family Circus: Is it my job to teach PJ 'bout sharing.

On second thought, maybe PJ would be better off if he were sold into slavery.

Dennis the Menace: I don't know HOW to act my age. I've neer BEEN this age before.

Considering how long they've been around, Dennis the Menace and The Family Circus have probably been through all of each other's jokes at least three times by now.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Speed Bump: It's so quiet here now that the goldfish is gone.

I find this Speed Bump oddly affecting.

Ziggy: It looks like an environmentalist hacked into its computer system!

This is not the first time Ziggy has warned us of the great environmentalist threat, and it will not be the last. And thank God for that. The comics section truly is the only thing standing between the eco-terrorists and our liberty.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: If I send Snuffy over, will ya give him a dose?!

Down here in Hootin' Holler, outside the reach of the dread guv'ment regulation, everybody* starts their day with a trip down to ol' Doc's, who's always happy to give ya a lift with a dose o' his durn near magic carbonated cocaine elixir.

*Even the livestock!

The Phantom: BOOM!

Ah yes. There's nothing like a little wanton violence and the sweet smell of briny death to put you in the mood for some loving.

Momma: Because in those days women were discouraged from seeking careers.

What are the odds this started out as an abortion joke?

I'm going ten to one.

Mark Trail: Hold still and smile!

And so Mark Trail's camera can apparently shrink people's heads.

This must be very useful at times like these, as not even Mark Fucking Trail is exempt from the rules of decorum that prohibit the punching of women.

Hi and Lois: You need a shave.

It's at least good to see that Hi appears to be just as disturbed by this as I am.

Family Circus: Feel free to interrupt me while I'm doing my homework.

Billy's scathing sarcasm and fairly impressive looking textbooks just deepen my belief in his genius.

Curtis: I ... think I can HEAR you THINK!

To summarize this Curtis story so far:
Curtis went over to his token white friend Gunk's house. He saw some peanuts on the table and declared for no particular reason that some people have terrible peanut allergies, but he's glad he doesn't. He ate the entire bowl of peanuts in one mouthful. Gunk cried out to stop him, but it was too late. Now it turns out that the peanuts are actually Flyspeck Island peanuts, which evidently carry the horrible side effect of telepathy. And now Curtis is dazed and confused.
No, I have no idea what the fuck to make of any of this.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Family Circus: I've got a humongous cut on my leg!

I'd accuse Dolly of being a crybaby too, but this is probably all just another elaborate ruse to get Thel even further under her thumb.

The Phantom: FOOMP!

I think we all know that that giant torpedo in the first panel represents, am I right or am I right?

Sally Forth: This is why you don't have a sibling.

Sure, Ted, try to justify your impotence any way you like.

Wizard of Id: How many steps to the bakery?

This comic is hilarious because the fat lady likes to eat food.

Hi and Lois: Does Old Man Winter work for the I.R.S.?

See, the snowflakes are Hi's money, and the ground is tax season, and Old Man Winter works for the I.R.S. and is going away for some reason, and tax season, which is the ground, is arriving, from wherever the ground arrives from, that melts snow, which is, um, money. And stuff.*

*No one can
torture a tax metaphor like the folks at Mort Walker Inc.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Blondie: Uh-oh!

Ha ha! Gender stereotypes!

Family Circus: ...

And so Bill expects his entire family to worship at his feet. This is because he is an egomaniacal asshole.