Family Circus: I TOOK a bath before we came!

This cartoon is hilarious because Jeffy does not like bathing. I hear this might be true of other small children, but it is yet again only Keane Inc. that has the balls to tell it like it truly is.

Zits: "Girl" is my favorite flavor.

So Jeremy is a cannibalistic serial killer.

I am actually kind of surprised by this.

Ziggy: This is a very routine operation--why don't you climb up on the desk...and we'll get it over with!

This cartoon is hilarious because Ziggy is about to get raped. Again.

Mark Trail: Mark, you look upset...What's going on?

It's impressive that Cherry can tell when Mark's upset, considering that his upset face looks virtually the same as all his other faces.

But you too can attain this skill, female-things! You need only abdicate every personal goal you've ever had and instead focus all of your attention on keeping house, staying attractive for passionless sex in dark rooms, and differentiating between your husband's nearly identical facial expressions as Cherry has done. Only then will you be able to live truly fulfilling lives, women-objects.

Sally Forth: Selma, that's the most you've said since you found that Japanese cat video.

This comic is hilarious because fat people like ice cream.

Family Circus: If anyone gets lost, just follow the first ant you see and I'm sure he'll bring you back here!

If Thel thinks her kids are smart enough to understand that she is joking (outside of Billy, of course, whose smug little smile gives him away), she's going to be sorely disappointed when she finds Dolly, Jeffy and PJ trying to figure out how to fit themselves into an anthill and Billy pointing and laughing at his future apostles.

Dog Eat Doug: Don't be power trippin' on me. I'll turn you into a kite in three seconds flat.

Next time in Dog Eat Doug: The dog eats Doug.

Mark Trail: He can help me track the shooter!

From time to time, even I forget how Mark Trail is capable of such great feats of environmental derring-do. "How could a mere man do these things?" we might ask. "This seems mighty unrealistic," we might protest. "Why is he constantly talking to himself?" we might query.

Fortunately, every once in a while Jack Elrod takes the time to remind readers that Mark is not just a crazy man who constantly recites wooden monologues. No, he is a man with a magic talking forehead. And suddenly the world of Lost Forest is illuminated, and we are no longer confused.

Pearls Before Swine: Hullo. Dis Pressydent of Uniteed State.

Next time on Lou Dobbs Tonight: Is the president a crocodile? If not, why won't he provide proof to refute claims that he was born in a swamp in the Everglades? Also, illegal immigrants. Don't they suck?

Luann: Don't you think that outfit's a bit demeaning?

Greg Evans has hit upon the brilliant strategy of attempting to hide the exploitation of his female creations behind commentaries on the exploitation of females in popular entertainment. You see, the superhero in the second panel represents characters like Xena who are marketed as feminist heroes, but are actually mostly sex symbols. Luann represents all the young girls who look up to and emulate those characters. Bernice represents those militant feminists who don't shave their armpits. And the Zs on Luann's tits represent LOOK AT LUANN'S TITS!!!!!