Family Circus: Grandma, I'll keep it a secret if you want to tell me I'm your favorite.

Grandma's pretty clearly keeping this one in her pocket until Dolly's made some headway on that whole "ruling the world" thing. Until then, Dolly will just have to deal with the possibility, however remote, that Grandma somehow loves Jeffy more.

Dennis the Menace: I'm not botherin' you, am I?

This cartoon is hilarious because Dennis is, in fact, bothering Mr. Wilson.

Crock: The plumber finally fixed my dripping faucet.

Given how much time it must have taken to come up with a joke this original,* we should probably just cut the cartoonist a bit of slack on the boring drawing. It's not like comics is a visual medium or anything.

*I'd say at least five minutes.

Beetle Bailey: They say pets have a short life, die early.

I'd mock Sarge for not knowing that dogs live shorter lives than humans until he read it in the newspaper, but given that this is the sort of information the newspapers in Camp Swampy are printing, everyone there must live in the same fog of ignorance.

None of this is surprising.

Get Fuzzy: I don't think you should be calling Satchel a name that means "dense."

Bucky's unwavering self-confidence is pretty much the epitome of comic gold.

That said, Peachy-Not-So Keen really is a pretty awesome derogatory nickname.

Born Loser: You look like you could have used more sleep last night!

As his friend's facial expression indicates, Brutus' comment about spraining his wrist, which was meant to deflect suspicions that he was up all night masturbating, instead merely confirmed them.

This is just another reason why he's the (ba da dum) Born Loser.

Family Circus: In a couple weeks that caterpillar's gonna get promoted to a butterfly.

Dolly has been having some doubts lately about whether she's really cut out for this whole world domination thing. Fortunately for her (and unfortunately for us), future prophet Billy's always around to lend a helping hand with an encouraging proverb or two.

Dennis the Menace: You better open your present now, Mom. I think it may be getting HUNGRY.

In perhaps his most desperate cry for help yet, Dennis has kidnapped a baby to give to his mother in the hopes that it will rekindle in his parents the loving unity they felt when Dennis was an infant, thus creating once again the happy family he remembers all that time ago.

It is unlikely to work.

Curtis: He knows were dancers on "Soul Train."

I'm going to go ahead and say I pretty much called this one, though I am somewhat embarrassed that I didn't guess the correct style of dancing. I must have confused the characters in Curtis for the characters in Baldo. Going forward, I will endeavor to keep my stereotypes straight.

Pearls Before Swine: Ping!

And so it turns out that I am pretty much Rat. I'm not sure how I feel about that.