Herb & Jamaal: ...blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

Stephen Bentley's New Year's resolution was apparently to make his comic strip just a bit more blatantly sexist.

Hagar the Horrible: Could you make the new one tall, dark and very wealthy?

Helga is no doubt fantasizing about Mark Trail, as that's the sort of thing female comic strip characters are into apparently.

Family Circus: Want some li'l sandwiches an' olives an' 'tato chips, Mommy? Just walk into Haney's--they're havin' open house!

Isn't this gluttonous thievery adorable?

Basically the whole comics section: You can't go to bed now!

These comics are all hilarious because midnight sure does come late, doesn't it?

Mark Trail: I think you're going to have a lot to tell them!

Ha ha, yes, what with the ALMOST DYING HORRIBLY AND ALL.

Crankshaft: It's frozen corn.

This comic is hilarious because Crankshaft's being an enormous fucking asshole.

The baffling thing is that, say you live next to an enormous fucking asshole. Why would you invite him to your party? Are you that lonely and pathetic? It wouldn't seem so, as there are other people there. Or maybe they're all enormous fucking assholes too, as that's the only kind of person you can get to come to your parties? But that doesn't make sense because enormous fucking assholes generally don't want to attend parties and only do so by accident, like Crankshaft. So maybe you're just a masochist? Or an idiot? Or a character/plot device in a comic strip?

Family Circus: We'll help you movie it, Mommy!

The awful smirk on Dolly's face in the bottom panel is almost too cruel for words. Thel doesn't stand a chance.

Jeffy, of course, thinks this is actually how you move a couch.

Better Half: If cold air came in an aerosol can, would it cause global warming?

This cartoon is hilarious because cold air does come in an aerosol can, and it does contribute to global warming.

BC: Spawning Season.

Amazingly (disturbingly?) enough, this is the third--yeah, the third--occurrence of fish-fucking in the comics section since I started this blog.

Get Fuzzy: the foLowiN messij Haz BiN BRot to yoo By Buckco.

You don't seriously need me to explain why this is the funniest comic of the day, do you?