Monday, December 7, 2009

Family Circus: How did we get to know Grandma and Granddad

I believe that this cartoon is taking place inside the mind of one Jeffy Keane. What else could explain the vast expanse of nothingness that separates the characters or the bizarre imagery of Dolly riding her floating grandfather across the empty pink ground-thing? There is precedence for this theory, as Keane Inc. has given us the childrens' point-of-view before, with equally horrifying results.

Also, this cartoon is hilarious because Jeffy does not understand the concept of "family."

The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee: For one thing, you've put an 85-year-old couple in the same house as Aerosmith.

I'm confused as to why a couple of 85-year-olds would object to being in the same house as a group of other 85-year-olds.*

*Rimshot!

9 Chickweed Lane: They were just a bunch of boys missing their families, with no idea what was happening at home.

I've been pretty harshly critical of this 9 Chickweed Lane storyline, but it's definitely had its good moments. Today's comic, in particular, is very well done.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Pluggers: You're a plugger if you know all the words to every song on "The Lawrence Welk Show."

I'm actually rather fond of this installment of Pluggers, mostly because of the horrified look on Chicken Lady's face, as it would seem to suggest that even genuine pluggers find other pluggers appalling.

Farcus: Give it up, Morty. It isn't worth it.

Ha ha! Fat people.

Candorville: Dunno, I have a pretty full day, Susan.

To adjust this comic so that it accurately describes my life, just replace all references to Superman and 12-year-olds with comic strips and cartoonists.

9 Chickweed Lane: This requires expert defusing skill.

This comic is hilarious because women's moods are driven entirely by their irrational lady parts.

Betty: Hockey season's greetings.

This comic is hilarious because it's written in Canadian.

Family Circus: This little pig went to market...

This comic is hilarious because the Keane children all have Oedipal foot fetishes.

Boondocks: The sun could never be a punk. He always come out. He'll sit right there. Even if you pull your gun out he could never run out.

I am perfectly willing to entertain the notion that Ghostface Killah is a better--or at least less boring--poet than Robert Frost.