Ziggy: We had to send your car to the compactor, sir! EPA regulations!

This cartoon is hilarious because environmental regulation is a liberal government plot to destroy your freedom.

Baldo: Papi, that's the best part!

Baldo is one tiny, floating rainbow away from turning into Rose is Rose here.

For the love of all that is holy, step back from the ledge.

9 Chickweed Lane: Speaker phone? ...Why?

This comic is hilarious because Brooke McEldowney has a very high opinion of his own storytelling prowess.

Family Circus: Don'cha wish Christmas would hurry up and get here?

This cartoon is hilarious because the Keane parents continue to hate everything that makes their children happy.

Blondie: She'd better, 'cause it's gonna be the most expensive one I've ever had!

This comic is hilarious because women love shopping and are too stupid to handle their money in a reasonable manner.

Family Circus: If I forgot anything, maybe I can just send you a Facebook message.

At first, I was quite taken aback at the revelation that a Keane not only knows what the Internet is, but is actually a user of the dreaded Facebook.

But after taking a moment to digest the information, it's all starting to come together. If this were Jeffy, it would make no sense; feral child-beasts have no need for modern technology. But of course Dolly would be using said technology to her advantage. What is Dolly most concerned about, after all? Power.* And what better way to gain power than by harnessing all the world's technology?

Indeed, this cartoon can mean only one thing. You know that impending robot apocalypse? Well, I think we just found the future leader of the post-apocalyptic robot world.**

*Just look at her intimidating Santa Claus here, for example. Frigging Santa Claus!

**Which, by the way, will still have butterflies.

Mark Trail: Tell it to the judge tomorrow!

This is the part of every Mark Trail story where I get irrationally excited over the prospect of Rusty finally dying horribly. "This is it!" I say. "There's NO WAY he can escape a horrible but entertaining death this time!" But, of course, he always does.

Even with Rusty's imminent rescue taken into account, however, this is nonetheless the Greatest Mark Trail Story Ever. If you have to ask why, you just haven't been paying attention. Over the course of the last week or so, it has somehow meanderingly escalated from a pleasant drive along the seashore to Mark being harassed by a cigar chomping lawman as Rusty slowly disintegrates under a car.

The thing of it is, this really is Mark Trail at its best. It's ridiculous and it's pretty terrible art, but I refuse to believe that anybody could read this particular story and not be entertained.

Shoe: Irv, did I leave my laptop here yesterday?

This comic is hilarious because something about porn.*

*This is my laziest post ever. But does Shoe really deserve any better?

Grand Avenue: Technology has improved a great many things. Christmas cards aren't one of them.

Indeed, I hate the way technology has forced my friends and relatives to mail me nothing more than white pieces of paper with the word "E-MAIL" typed on them. And this in place of lovingly signed, mass produced cards that come in boxes of fifty and sell for $3.99 at the drug store. Truly, the true meaning of Christmas has been lost to time and civilization's terrible decay.

Peanuts: I hate playing "teddy bear"!

Today's rerun is probably the creepiest Peanuts comic I've ever seen.