Pluggers: You're a plugger if you started reading "War and Peace" in high school and are nearly done by your 50th class reunion.

And so pluggers are borderline illiterate.

No, this is not surprising.

Pluggers: Older pluggers remember, "I see London, I see France, I see someone's underpants!" But back then, it was just embarrassing, not the norm.

Oh, burn! Young people who grew up in the 90s now feel shame for their teenage fashion choices.

Boy, I can't wait until 15 years from now, when Pluggers will finally be ready to give the old what for to all the kids walking around today in their skinny jeans.

Marmaduke: Sorry, Marm. Banking reforms have dried up your pre-approved credit card applications.

Between making Marmaduke sad with banking reform and the mail-related conspiracy to destroy Pluggers, I have never loved Barack Obama more.

Pluggers: Pluggers don't need one of those fancy, flashing, vibrating gadgets to let them know their table's ready.

And so the Olive Garden is just a little too high-class for pluggers.

This is not surprising.

Pluggers: You're a plugger if you've bookmarked the obituary page of your local newspaper.

When even the pluggers have switched over to reading it online, you know your local newspaper is doomed.

Also, pluggers are old and obsessed with the terrifying reality of their imminent death, ha ha ha!

Pluggers: Pluggers know that it's not always a good idea to go paperless.

Oh, you like your fancy new iPad, do you? Well, as this Pluggers points out, good luck wiping your ass with it.

Pluggers: Can you hear me?!

This Pluggers raises the question as to what happens when a domesticated bear, used to all the comforts of lower-middle class near-modernity, is stranded out in the wilderness. Will he simply curl up into the fetal position and die? Or will he revert to his feral roots, foraging for berries and honey, and dining on the raw meat of any remaining uncivilized forest creatures?

Pluggers and Rubes: When pluggers diet, belly flab is the last to go.

I don't really have much to say about these cartoons, other than that they both creep me the hell out. The elderly Cheshire cat's creepiness is probably obvious, but the plugger's creepiness has to do with the juxtaposition of tiny, middle-aged human legs and a giant rhinoceros head. It's just not natural.
In general, Pluggers is why I, for one, continue to strongly support the second President Bush's opposition to human-animal hybrids.

Pluggers: A plugger's investment portfolio is a scrapbook full of pictures of collectible plates.

Pluggers live sad, desperate lives.

Pluggers: I'm going to the hardware store as soon as I read "Family Circus" and "Marmaduke."

Pluggers read The Family Circus and Marmaduke.

This is the least surprising news ever.

Pluggers: Pluggers know you can't leave footprints in the sands of time sitting down.

I would humbly submit that not all pluggers seem to know this.

Pluggers: When a mom is away, a plugger dad can whip up dinner as quick as you can say, "I'd like to place a take-out order."

This cartoon is hilarious because male pluggers know that cooking is a debasing activity designed specifically for women.

Lola and Pluggers: What do you suggest for a vegetarian?

The comics section is really giving vegetarians the old what for today, and I for one applaud the decision to roundly rebuke the tiny percentage of the population that finds eating dead animal flesh problematic for various ethical reasons.

Pluggers: A plugger has a problem finding a ribbon for his old Smith-Corona typewriter.

Let me Google that for any pluggers out there.

Pluggers: A plugger's comfort food is anything consumed on his recliner.

Once, this plugger accidentally consumed a spider.* Ergo propter hoc, spider guts are plugger comfort food.

*Well, mostly accidentally.

Pluggers: Nine bucks?! Does that include popcorn and a soft drink?

Pluggers also remember when jokes about inflation were considered humorous.

Pluggers: What is this show?! And why aren't there any cowboys?!

Indeed, the problem with NCIS: Los Angeles is that it's just too darn hip.

Pluggers: A plugger's serving size is all-he-can-eat.

What are the odds this plugger can even wait long enough to microwave this ravioli? Sure, his intentions are good, but judging by his facial expression, just getting it out of the can and into a bowl is clearly challenge enough.

Pluggers: You're a plugger if heating your home is harder on your back than your checkbook.

Or, you know, the other way around.*

*Yes, that link is to yesterday's comic. Yesterday's.

Pluggers: Won't this thermostat go any higher?

Just another plugger doing his part to save the planet.