9 Chickweed Lane: Oh, and he's gay.

There are certainly things to complain about in 9 Chickweed Lane--hand fucking, interminable Nazi love triangles*, whatever the fuck this shit is--but its casual inclusion of gay characters is definitely not one of them.

*And I see the Nazi love triangle has finally come to some sort of conclusion during my hiatus. I wonder if I should go back and find out what happ--nope, still don't care.

Family Circus: What the weekend needs is another day between Saturday and Sunday.

Here we see Billy smartly planting ideas in the head of future supreme dictator Dolly. Little does she know that he, of course, intends it as a holy day for his future world religion.

Funky Winkerbean: It's nice to see someone stressed out who isn't me.

Unsurprisingly, the closest people can come to happiness in the Winkerverse is schadenfreude.

Bizarro: Enough with the tweeting.

I was hoping that in the months that I'd been away from the comics section, cartoonists would have finally ceased to make Twitter jokes.

Apparently not.

Beetle Bailey: K-BOOM!!

If Mort Walker Inc. wanted to turn Beetle Bailey into an ulta-violent, Itchy and Scratchy type cartoon in which Beetle hides a bomb in Sarge's food everyday, I would be pretty OK with that.

Mark Trail: So Mark is going on a fishing trip, but he wouldn't tell his editor what he will be working on...

What are these sexy shenanigans doing in the Elrodverse? Go away for a couple a months andwhen you come back, it's nothing but scantily-clad temptresses and clearly aroused moose.

Family Circus: Grandma says a lot of her friends are like the birds. They fly south for the winter.

This cartoon is hilarious because old people are lonely.

Family Circus: So, what did we watch before football season started?

I kind of love that the Keanes just have no damned idea what to do with a flat-screen television.