Pickles: I don't like to leave Earl unsupervised for too long.

This comic is hilarious because Opal would like to murder her husband in cold blood.

Pickles: That's my boy!

This comic is hilarious because Earl was concerned that his grandson might be interested in nonstereotypical things. Fortunately for him, however, he lives in the Pickleverse, so that would never happen.

Pickles: Oh, no! Now I'm in the sand trap!

And so this is what the most tolerable Keane child is going to grow up to be: Earl Pickles.

Slavery really would have been better.

Pickles: I meant that as a compliment!

This comic is hilarious because Earl is fellating himself.

Pickles: I keep telling you, if you want my attention, say it with brownies.

This comic is hilarious because the only thing women are good for is cooking food for men.

Pickles: Really? When will that be?

This comic is hilarious because Nelson wants his grandmother to die.

And considering how ugly and useless she is, who can blame him?

Pickles: Why are you looking at me like that , Opal?

How terrible must Earl be that fantasizing about Mark Trail is an improvement?

Pickles: What if I just turn my hearing aid off?

This comic is hilarious because Earl hates his wife.

Pickles: Hey, Earl. Do you have a rake I can borrow?

This cartoon is hilarious because Earl is a selfish asshole.

Pickles: I can't decide if I should buy a new car or save the money for my children's inheritance.

This comic is hilarious because Earl is a selfish asshole.

Pickles: And you think this looks better?

This comic is hilarious because old people are ugly.

Pickles: Just to look nice, I guess.

Having recently discovered that the vast majority of his readers enjoy humor about how ugly they are and are too senile to remember yesterday's comics, Brian Crane has decided that it's not really worth the effort to write any more new jokes.

Pickles: Why? To improve my appearance, I suppose.

This comic is hilarious because Opal is old and ugly, and nothing she can do will ever make her attractive ever again, so she should probably just go find a nice quiet place somewhere and shoot herself in the head.

Pickles: I used to be good at jump rope.

This comic is hilarious because Opal is old and fat and can't do anything anymore and should probably just do the decent thing and go off to quietly die somewhere.

Pickles: Not as fun as grandpas, but more fun than, say...filling out an income tax form.

Honestly, the gratuitousness of the tax humor here just makes it all the worse.

Pickles: Oh...I forgot to tell you. I accidentally opened the box from the bottom.

Ever since I came to this realization, Pickles has genuinely depressed the fuck out of me.

Pickles: Earl, which would you rather have go first, your mind or your body?

This comic is hilarious because Earl has Alzheimer's, and Pickles is revealed to be the sad chronicle of his slow and miserable death.

Pickles: Those aren't serious journalists. Those are sound effects.

Fuck you, Pickles. Seriously, I mean.

Pickles and Zits: Bye, Mom!

Jokes like the ones in Pickles and Zits today annoy me, because they manage to demean both men and women, in that they:

1. Characterize men as overgrown children incapable of caring for themselves and
   
2. characterize women as being primarily responsible for taking care of men.

Also, they're not funny.

That said, Pickles at least gets credit for the clever punchline in the last panel, which is more about a turn of the phrase in the third panel than the sexist set-up in the first two panels.

Pickles: I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.

Of course, when Picasso said this, he was mostly talking about sex.