Grand Avenue: Snowmen are obese and they smoke.

Grand Avenue needs to stop echoing The Family Circus right fucking now.

Grand Avenue: Why hassle with maintaining a naughty and nice list when I can monitor everyone's Facebook account and read their tweets?

While Santa may be trying to pass this off as a time-saver, readers of The Comics Section know what really spurred this move.

Nobody crosses Dolly Keane, not even immortal judges of moral behavior.

Grand Avenue: Technology has improved a great many things. Christmas cards aren't one of them.

Indeed, I hate the way technology has forced my friends and relatives to mail me nothing more than white pieces of paper with the word "E-MAIL" typed on them. And this in place of lovingly signed, mass produced cards that come in boxes of fifty and sell for $3.99 at the drug store. Truly, the true meaning of Christmas has been lost to time and civilization's terrible decay.

Grand Avenue: Dead man walking!

No, really, this is the whole comic strip. It's hilarious because it doesn't have anything that could possibly be construed as a joke.