Family Circus: Mommy! The mud wouldn't let go of my shoes!

And so Jeffy has apparently formed himself a mudhole in the yard and stuck only his feet into it. Why? Because he's Jeffy and that's just the way he rolls.

Sally Forth: IS he single?

This comic is hilarious because Sally's depressed sister wants to fuck her asshole boss.

No, really.

Mother Goose and Grimm: I call it ... "The Bark."

Yes, The Scream is the only work of art anyone in the comics section has ever heard of.

Hi and Lois: Relax, we still have plenty of time.

Considering how horribly mangled Lois's feet are, hiding them just out of panel is probably the way to go.

Also, women are always late for stuff! Ha ha!

Momma: So how come he took the easy way out?!

And so Momma's husband apparently killed himself and now her son is considering doing the same.

No, this is not surprising.

Monty: No! No! Oh how she used to love sucking the futon!

I've expressed my love for this robot-on-vacuum love story before, and now it's also given us "Oh how she used to love sucking the futon," which is just one of those nonsensical phrases that's a lot of fun to repeat without context to crowds of horrified non-Monty-reading people.

Family Circus: We got matching dresses ... 'cept Mommy's came with more curves and things.

This cartoon is hilarious because Thel has a huge rack, which, judging by Bill's self-satisfied smirk, more than makes up for her questionable fashion sense.

Cathy: I remove everything in the refrigerator that's "expired."

And so Cathy apparently hordes, and possibly ingests, actively rotting foodstuffs.

She can't help it! She's a woman! She has food-craving hormones!

9 Chickweed Lane: I just beat the shit out of Colonel Horrocks.

I still have a ton of problems with this interminable 9 Chickweed Lane story, but I'm always a fan of hiding objectionable words behind chairs. In general, I just like the idea that word bubbles are part of the material world of the comics section.

Family Circus: Sorry, Mommy, I didn't dream about you last night...

Of course, when Jeffy dreams about you, it generally involves your internal organs being cut out and eaten.