Mark Trail: You'd better put on your life preserver so they can't see that you are a ranger!

Fun fact: Mark Trail can make something happen by the mere utterance of his all-powerful Word. Take the last panel in today's comic, for example. Mark informs Ranger Buzz that he really ought to put on a life preserver, not for basic canoeing safety or anything,* but so as to deceive people.** And before the words have even left Mark's mouth, the life preserver has just instantaneously appeared on Ranger Buzz's torso. If you look closely, you can even see what appears to be a look of shock and awe on Ranger Buzz's face.***

*Considering that Mark Fucking Trail is the ultimate life preserver, what extra protection could you possibly need, after all?

**Morality!

***Of course, considering that this is Mark Trail, it could be any number of other emotions, including, but not limited to: constipation, pain, pleasure, thoughtfulness, lust, sorrow, jaundice, misery, contempt, respect for wildlife creatures, or death.

Family Circus: No, I don't want to know how many peanuts you can fit in your mouth.

This cartoon is hilarious because Thel is angrily berating Billy for trying to amuse her.

Barfy, meanwhile, seems bizarrely pleased about all of this.

Dennis the Menace: I didn't think anything was as bad as broccoli, but cabbage comes real close.

This cartoon is hilarious because Dennis does not enjoy the taste of either broccoli or cabbage, and it's also hilarious because ...

No, wait. That's it, actually.

Cleats: For a soccer team, this all-you-can-eat pizza place works out much better than a fancy-schmancy restaurant.

Ha ha! Populism!

Herb & Jamaal and Pearls Before Swine: This strip just gets stranger and stranger.

These comics each use pretty much the same gag, in which a mundane phrase becomes absurdly literal for comic effect. But the Pearls is quite a bit funnier, partially because the specific situation is more extreme, partially because Pig is just a funnier character than the tall one in Herb & Jamaal and partially because of the extra layer of meta in the final Pearls panel.

*Herb & Jamaal from 3-6-10.

Family Circus: I'm too warm. Can I bundle down?

This cartoon is hilarious because "bundle down" is not actually the opposite of "bundle up."

Crock: Someone whould tell the cook spaghetti swells when you cook it.

As anyone familiar with the comics section knows, Crock is not a very good comic strip. But I have to admit to laughing at today's installment. Exploding spaghetti is always funny, and the cracking whip is a nicely absurd touch.

Family Circus: Remember, you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

Here we see Billy treating his grandmother's insipid cliches with precisely the amount of reverence they deserve.

BC: Maude tricked me into going to the opera.

This comic is hilarious because female ants enjoy high ant art, while male ants despise high ant art.

Family Circus: Sorry, the only perfume I'd like would smell like a chocolate-chip cookie.

And so, in addition to his serial murdering, Jeffy has apparently decided to start experimenting with cannibalism.

This is in fitting with his lycanthropic delusions, so it's not terribly surprising.