The Flying McCoys: Let's stick with your original "Star Spangled Banner," and pretend there never was this dance-remix version.

"The Star Spangled Banner" is an embarrassingly awful national anthem. True story.

Family Circus: Do I need a degree to be a professional hot dog eater?

This cartoon is hilarious because the Keanes apparently prefer their hot dogs burnt, shriveled, and without condiments.

Marmaduke: I would have liked to have seen that triple play, too.

Of course Marmaduke is just an updated version of Cerberus, guardian of the underworld.

Brad Anderson's hellish drawing style and abhorrent characters make so much more sense now.

Family Circus: The only kinda nails Billy hits are thumb and finger.

This comic is hilarious because Billy is so gonna cut Dolly for that shit.

Reality Check: Okay...so why don't we try putting you on some anti-anxiety meds.

This cartoon is hilarious because of its painfully clever reference to the unfairly neglected work of Norwegian expressionist Edvard Munch.

Frank and Ernest: Go back four seconds.

This cartoon is hilarious because it is quite likely the laziest and most nonsensical cartoon ever published.

Prickly City: I guess what happened to Jon and Kate should be expected...

This comic is hilarious because of its intimations of underage bestiality.

Mutts: I don't see cat nip on the list.

Here in Maine, some ice cream shops sell lobster-flavored ice cream. True story.

9 Chickweed Lane: This is what a pair of civilized people would do in the face of the end of the world?

Next time in 9 Chickweed Lane: An orgy.

Born Loser: This new diet is going to work for me--it guarantees I'll lose five pounds a week!

Poor Gladys doesn't realize that in the world of Born Loser nothing ever changes, least of all the way the characters look. It's not as though she's living in Funky Winkerbean.