Dennis the Menace: St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. We need a saint who could drive the kid out of our house.

This cartoon is hilarious because Mr. Wilson would like somebody to kidnap and drown his neighbor's child. He would dub such a person a saint.

Family Circus: Piggy banks are nice, but it's more important to make daily deposits in your memory banks.

Just smile and nod, children. Smile and nod.

Bettle Bailey: Grrrrrr

This comic is hilarious because Otto has contracted rabies.

Ziggy: RELAX ... the Somali pirates aren't anywhere NEAR here!

This Ziggy is pretty funny when it's situated directly next to the above installment of The Phantom, as it is here and in my local paper.

Otherwise, of course, not so much.

Family Circus: See! Mommy's birthday's in March and Daddy's is in October, so Mommy's OLDER!

I'm not really sure what insane method of timekeeping Dolly's trying to trick Jeffy into following, but it seems cleverly designed to humiliate both her idiot brother and her constantly angry mother. Jeffy does, however, seem to be either confused or skeptical, so she might want to try something a bit less convoluted.

F Minus: World's Most Public Toilet

It's the facial expressions that make this comic work so well. Without it, we'd just have the absurdity of the world's most public toilet. With it, we have the absurdity of the world's most public toilet getting in the way of an actual human relationship.

Born Loser: The buzzards have returned!

Mother-in-law ... misogyny ... ha ha ha.

Better Half: I think I need an oil change.

And so the fat guy with the big nose is apparently an insane person who believes himself to be an automobile.

Whatever.

Family Circus: *

Once again, The Family Circus is quite a bit better in the larger Sunday strips than the single-panel dailies. Today's comic is an effective study of Thel's character.

Mark Trail: You'd better put on your life preserver so they can't see that you are a ranger!

Fun fact: Mark Trail can make something happen by the mere utterance of his all-powerful Word. Take the last panel in today's comic, for example. Mark informs Ranger Buzz that he really ought to put on a life preserver, not for basic canoeing safety or anything,* but so as to deceive people.** And before the words have even left Mark's mouth, the life preserver has just instantaneously appeared on Ranger Buzz's torso. If you look closely, you can even see what appears to be a look of shock and awe on Ranger Buzz's face.***

*Considering that Mark Fucking Trail is the ultimate life preserver, what extra protection could you possibly need, after all?

**Morality!

***Of course, considering that this is Mark Trail, it could be any number of other emotions, including, but not limited to: constipation, pain, pleasure, thoughtfulness, lust, sorrow, jaundice, misery, contempt, respect for wildlife creatures, or death.