Pearls Before Swine: Well now gosh dern dadburn it!!

If Pastis wanted to repeat this comic with a different annoying character getting an arrow through the chest every week, I'd probably be OK with that.

Hi and Lois: Irma and I had a big fight.

Ha ha! Marital discord!

Seriously though, even disregarding potentially unintentional alternate readings, Hi and Lois is a pretty depressing comic strip.

Funky Winkerbean: Get rid of this!

This comic is hilarious because Becky has shot Wally in the face and is asking Funky to dispose of the evidence.*

*Not really. But would it really surprise you?

Better Half: I finally figured out what I.M. means. It means I.M. too old to chat this way!

This cartoon is hilarious because "I.M." sounds a lot like "I am."

The Phantom: And we WON'T let her down! We'll KEEP ON fighting EVIL!

"And SHAGGING hot ship CAPTAINS! And ABANDONING our CHILDREN! And using EXCLAMATION POINTS inappropriately!"

Marmaduke: He insisted on stopping in at the church.

Yes, Marmaduke has eaten an angel.

No, this is not surprising.

Family Circus: My father's car is smaller than your father's car!

Apparently jokes about car size were in vogue fifty years ago, too.

This strikes me as odd. It seems like they must have been about something other than environmental concerns, but I can't really imagine what.

Cow and Boy: I guess Doctor Conrad Zimsky was right. Science is nothing more than our best guess.

I, for one, have garnered the vast majority of my wisdom through the lessons of one Billy Keane.

The Quigmans: He's another one of our tactics to drum up support for the health care bill.

Because nothing convinces politicians to support legislation like offensive caricatures of Native Americans.

The Phantom: Kit and Heloise will grow up at SEA! With US!

And so The Phantom's new lover is almost certainly completely deranged.

But, you know, who doesn't dream wistfully about raising the children of men they've just met?