The Quigmans: Sir, I realize membership has its privileges, but this isn't one of them.

Ha ha! Sexual assault!

The Phantom: This will sound rude, but ... please wait outside.

Even when he's being reasonable, The Phantom has to do it in the douchiest way possible.

This is because he is an enormous asshat.

Lola: Here we go, Sal. First shot of the season.

Ha ha! Golf! It's almost like Lola's exactly the same as all those comic strips that feature male leads! Isn't that weird?

Dennis the Menace: It's a bike, dear ... not a time machine.

This cartoon is hilarious because Mrs. Wilson refuses to humor Mr. Wilson's senile delusions. Most likely because she hates him.

Family Circus: Any children?

It appears that The Family Circus once contained something vaguely resembling humorous content.

We shall learn in the coming days whether this ever happened a second time.

9 Chickweed Lane: And thirteen hundred men silently heard me out.

But, of course, they were mostly just staring at her tits.

In all seriousness, though, if this story's going where I think it's going, I might have to amend some of the harsher things I've written about it. We'll see.*

*And friend of the blog dofnup may have a point, as well.

Family Circus: Wish we could just have our anniversary picture taken with a camera!

But they can't. Because they're cartoons and not real. Which means they're not actually standing there posing, either. So Billy should probably quit complaining.

Beetle Bailey: Groan!

This comic is hilarious because everybody in Beetle Bailey hates their lives.

For Better or For Worse: What were you watching?

Given the setting, Elly must of have been watching the notoriously vulgar Wayne and Shuster.

Garfield: I keep a framed picture of Liz beside my bed...

In which Jon and Garfield compare masturbatory aids.