Pluggers: When a mom is away, a plugger dad can whip up dinner as quick as you can say, "I'd like to place a take-out order."

This cartoon is hilarious because male pluggers know that cooking is a debasing activity designed specifically for women.

Marmaduke: Why can't he just be satisfied with a squeak toy?

I'm almost 100% certain that this is a direct reference to Internet pornography. Featuring Marmaduke.

I'm so, so sorry.

Hagar the Horrible: What's for dinner, Helga?!

Men. Dates. Hilarity. Etc.

Family Circus: Do I hafta wear shoes with this skirt?

In an attempt to regain the upper hand in the constant power struggle of their relationship, Thel has apparently taken to dressing Dolly in pillow cases. This is admittedly a pretty devious plan, but it's unlikely anything's going to hold Dolly back at this point.

Family Circus: Who threw sunflower seeds all over this floor?

In the event that you are confused by the "Not me!" gremlin, Wikipedia is here to provide you with all the information you need. The information will not, however, make it any less horrifying.

And given that we now know Jeffy to be tormented by his parents, other comic strip characters and gremlins, a demon hand and lycanthropy seem all the more plausible, and his murderous yearning all the more understandable.

Momma: I'm sorry your husband took his own life, Sadie.

You know, comics about characters joking around about how they wish they were dead because their marriages are so miserable were getting kind of stale for me. Fortunately, today's Momma really takes things to the next level of hilarity by having a character literally kill himself and then having his hateful wife point out that he did it because their marriage was miserable.

The only thing that could have made it more humorous is if we had actually seen his lifeless body hanging from the rafters or something. But I'm holding out hope that we'll eventually get that scene when Mort Walker Inc. finally decides to write General Halftrack out of Beetle Bailey.

The Phantom: Dad, we need you HERE! We MISS you!

And by "doing important work" The Phantom of course means "terrorizing people who might be terrorists, though they haven't actually been found guilty of anything, but those are just laws and who needs those ha ha."

Also, as The Phantom surely knows, it will never "end." There will always be bad people in the world, and thus he will always have an excuse to completely ignore his family. He can't help it! He's a hero!

*Second Phantom comic from 5-18-10.

Pearls Before Swine: I'm afraid one of my characters, "Jeffy," keeps getting hit in the nose with sunflower seeds.

Here we see yet another possible source for Jeffy's violent outbursts.

Mark Trail: Morning, Sally, are you out looking for more homeless animals?

The introduction of Sally, the fat, lonely animal collector, has given this Sassy-centric story enormous potential. Will she and Sassy bond to one another and become inseparable, only to have Mark and Rusty show up and ruin their lives? Or will she turn out to run a dog meat factory with some long-haired ruffian? Only time will tell!

Family Circus: Can you do anything with scenery besides look at it?

And so Dolly has evidently regained her ambition to control not just the people of the world but the natural world itself.

Thanks a lot, Prophet Billy.