For Better or For Worse: OK-OK-Would you just go and find something to rub on my back!

This comic is hilarious because John is planning to cannibalize his wife.

In all seriousness, reading through For Better or For Worse reruns, I'm struck by what a gigantic asshole John is most of the time. As I recall, this--like pretty much everything else in the strip--would mellow out over time, but I kind of hate him now.

Mutts and Mother Goose and Grimm: I don't think I have time to send out Christmas cards this year.

I'm feeling magnanimous, so there are just going to have to be a few best comics of the day today.

The cat in this Mother Goose and Grimm is basically me, and the single best way to get me to mention a comic strip is to appeal to my sense of egotism.

Mutts, meanwhile, is just delightful. I don't know what else to say about it, really. It's just so damn delightful. Which, as a general rule, is pretty much what Mutts usually is when it's good.

Get Fuzzy: Even ELMO, the cutest thing EVER?

I actually hate Elmo, but I love that Satchel loves him.

Peanuts: Promotion! Don't kid yourself ... Everything these days is promotion!

Lucy's cynicism makes her a girl after my own heart.

Blondie: Hey, c'mon! Get off Facebook, we've got work to do!!

Credit to Dean Young here for using newish technology in service of a character-based joke rather than as a punchline in and of itself.

Young also deserves a little bit of credit for just calling Facebook, "Facebook." He does appear to have taken some liberties with Foursquare, however.

Doonesbury: I'm really busy, Zipper.

Today's Doonesbury is the best comic of the day not so much because of the Martin Luther King joke at the end (which is funny), but because of the throw-away gag at the beginning, in which Zonker claims to be busy while sitting around drinking beer and eating potato chips. The joke is, impressively, both specific and universal at the same time, in that it's very much character-based, while nonetheless something everybody does from time to time.

Crankshaft: It's scary to think of what things would be like if he weren't around.

And so Crankshaft's greatest contribution to society appears to be that nondescript time he made one of his bad puns.

This is not surprising.

Peanuts and Get Fuzzy: I would like to say I enjoyed this first day at school...

Today's Peanuts includes some very nice character work and an impressive, intricate set-up leading up to a short, emphatic and very funny punchline.

Today's Get Fuzzy, meanwhile, includes the phrase "cow-based art."

Crankshaft: Pop goes the weasel...

And so Crankshaft is a conspiracy theorist.

This is the least surprising news ever.

Beetle Bailey: Originally published in 1969.

Just in case you were wondering whether Beetle Bailey's rambling Sunday strips or Sarge's struggles with his sexuality were anything new, the answer is, er, not so much.

Luann: Good.

This comic consists entirely of a couple of characters sitting around talking. And it's really good. The punchline doesn't even have the rhythm of a punchline. It just sounds like a thing TJ would say.

It would probably be creepy to start shipping these two (though Luann has never shied away from shocking inappropriateness before), but I'd absolutely support an overhaul of the comic in which all the other characters are jettisoned, while TJ and Shannon move to Las Vegas together and try to make it on their own in the big city.

Cul de Sac: Hey! The kid on the Blisshaven sign is that kid who's on TV!

For all the comics around that feature children, Cul de Sac is the only one that really gets what kids are like. This is just exactly how kids act. Every panel and every character, even the silent girl in the fourth panel whose emotions are conveyed entirely through the art, rings true to life. I'm especially fond of the wild overreaction at the end, which isn't anything like a traditional punchline, but is nonetheless far funnier than every other final panel I've seen today.

Get Fuzzy: I don't think you should be calling Satchel a name that means "dense."

Bucky's unwavering self-confidence is pretty much the epitome of comic gold.

That said, Peachy-Not-So Keen really is a pretty awesome derogatory nickname.

Funky Winkerbean: The worse the grades ... the better the book.

Ho ho, take that Higher Education! Zing! This fictional college professor, made up by a cartoonist who appears to resent his old college professors, totally got the best of you!

Adam @ Home: World cup, huh?

This is maybe my least favorite kind of joke, the kind that rests on a character not knowing something virtually everybody in world knows. And then there's the fact that even if some person out there doesn't know what the world cup is, I'm quite sure they wouldn't think it's what Adam apparently thinks it is.

So, in short, this comic's hilarious because Adam's all of a sudden a barely functioning idiot. Ha ha!

Candorville: Didn't you go to Tonga, Clyde?

I know I harp on this a lot, but if you want to write a comic strip with political content, you should under no circumstances allow your political interests to overshadow your focus on your characters. Candorville, like Doonesbury, is a good comic not because of its political slant, but because its characters are recognizable and specific and funny and human.

A humorous tonal shift from time to time doesn't hurt, either.

Beetle Bailey: Nobody listens anymore.

In response to my query about Lt. Fuzz's past characterization, frequent commenter Will writes:

I used to read the BB trade paperback collections in the 80s, and I don't remember Fuzz being particularly stupid. He was a sycophantic little worm, and often over-interpreted Halftrack's orders, but he wasn't, as I recall, portrayed as especially clueless.

This more or less fits with my understanding of the character, and today we see another aspect of Fuzz that fits with the character: ineffectualness. The recent gags about his newfound gross stupidity continue to strike me as out of place.

Beetle Bailey: I putt the ball just as the windmill crosses the hole!

Am I wrong? Has Lt. Fuzz always been an idiot, and I just didn't realize? Or is this a new and exciting direction for the character?

If there's anyone out there more up on minor Beetle Bailey characters than me, let me know what's going on with Lt. Fuzz. Your help would be so greatly appreciated, I wouldn't even make fun of you.

Beetle Bailey: Lt. Fuzz never seems to understand the General's orders.

Ha ha! Lt. Fuzz is an idiot!

No, this doesn't fit with any of his prior characterization, but the gag was so funny Mort Walker Inc. just couldn't pass it up. Nor could they use Zero, a character specifically designed for this sort "Ha ha, he's stupid!" gag, because, um, they want to maintain the illusion that Camp Swampy functions like a real military camp? Or something?

Cul de Sac: I don't see what's wrong with being grabby.

This comic is a perfect example of why Cul de Sac is so great.

The first panel highlights the specificity of the characterization. Grabbiness is, of course, a problem lots of children have. But it's something that Alice, specifically, would have a problem with.

The second panel highlights the expressiveness of the drawing. Look at those eyes. Look at that hair. Look at the tiny little mouth. Look at the little lines around the rabbit. It's completely clear what's happening, and it's completely clear what's about to happen.

And the third panel highlights the smartness of the dialog. It would have been easy, and still funny, to just see Alice screaming. Instead, we get an even funnier description of that scream. "An inhuman cry of anger, betrayal, horror and thwarted grabbiness" is just great, great writing.