Shoe: Senator, I thought you were in a 12-step program.

Alcoholism: almost as funny as torture.

Pluggers: Older pluggers remember, "I see London, I see France, I see someone's underpants!" But back then, it was just embarrassing, not the norm.

Oh, burn! Young people who grew up in the 90s now feel shame for their teenage fashion choices.

Boy, I can't wait until 15 years from now, when Pluggers will finally be ready to give the old what for to all the kids walking around today in their skinny jeans.

Marmaduke: Sorry, Marm. Banking reforms have dried up your pre-approved credit card applications.

Between making Marmaduke sad with banking reform and the mail-related conspiracy to destroy Pluggers, I have never loved Barack Obama more.

Mallard Fillmore: US Universities' 2011 New-Year's Resolution

Mallard Fillmore usually spikes its propaganda with jokes that, while generally terrible, somehow make it easier to swallow. But not today! Today we just get pure propaganda.

Hagar the Horrible: Why can't we ever have a conversation at dinner like other couples?!

This comic is hilarious because women nag and men are slobs.

Curtis: Andrew reacted to the Brengir in anger.

Shit just got real in Kwanzaa-Curtisland, my friends.

For those of you who for whatever reason haven't been paying attention, Andrew here was visited by a glow-y mouse that turned out to be a Brengir. The Brengir granted Andrew a single wish. Andrew--apparently a former Miss America contestant--wished for peace on Earth. Shockingly, the wish didn't go as planned, and the Brengir promptly wiped all of humanity from the planet. And now Andrew wants to take it back, but the Brengir is kind of a dick and OH MY GOD IT KILLED ANDREW'S ADORABLE DOG MAKE IT STOP.

Mark Trail: If I could figure out this stupid reel I could cast a lot better!

Fishing rods are just too complex a machine for the simple female mind. Sure, Mark's annoyed by Kelly's feminine incompetence, but what are you going to do, you know?

Herb and Jamaal: Who's this, Mrs. Johnson?

Alzheimer's disease: it's so silly!

Marmaduke: You've been hanging out at the bowling alley again, haven't you?

I've done the math and it would appear that Marmaduke has eaten at least ten unsuspecting bowlers.

Even more impressively, it appears that Brad Anderson Inc. has managed to fit a nagging wife stereotype into a cartoon about a woman and her dog.

The Phantom: Across town...

Oh, look. The Phantom has children. That he's ignoring. Because he's awful.