Pluggers: Pluggers know you can't leave footprints in the sands of time sitting down.

I would humbly submit that not all pluggers seem to know this.

Quigmans: Just because I picked you up at the Kennel Club tonight doesn't mean I'm gonna pick up the check.

I make fun of a lot of comic strips here, but for the most part they're all pretty much harmless. This blog is basically like going to war against ice cream sundaes, though the intent isn't really to destroy them so much as to find new ways to enjoy them.

But The Quigmans is just genuinely vile. There are a lot of comics that engage casually in old, sexist tropes, but The Quigmans is outright misogynistic. Just take a look at the cartoon in this post, or this one or this one or this one or this one. And sometimes it's kind of racist, too.

On top of all that, it's more harmless negative attributes are its terrible drawing and writing. For example, in case you were wondering, the joke in today's cartoon--besides the hilariously cruel misogyny, of course--is that the dog-man picked up the bitch-woman in a "kennel club" rather than a regular old human club. Get it? 'Cause they're dogs and shit.

Family Circus: I drew this guy but he's too tall for my paper.

Oh, you like 8.5 x 11 paper? You think that's a pretty convenient paper size? Well, that's tough for you, because Dolly's gonna get rid of that shit entirely. Get ready to start writing your letters on poster board, motherfucker.

Luann: Good.

This comic consists entirely of a couple of characters sitting around talking. And it's really good. The punchline doesn't even have the rhythm of a punchline. It just sounds like a thing TJ would say.

It would probably be creepy to start shipping these two (though Luann has never shied away from shocking inappropriateness before), but I'd absolutely support an overhaul of the comic in which all the other characters are jettisoned, while TJ and Shannon move to Las Vegas together and try to make it on their own in the big city.

Mark Trail: Is Sassy alive?

Here we see Rusty, who had literally worried himself to death and fallen into a state of decay, arise as a horribly disfigured zombie at the news that Sassy may still be among the living. Of course, he's only interested in her brains at this point.

Curtis and Mallard Fillmore: I've got students interviewing for summer internships in flip-flops, with bare midriffs...

These kids today with their [insert activity old people dislike]. [Cue contemptuous and self-righteous chuckling.]

Family Circus: I guess that's why Grandma knows so many things.

Sadly, when you're as dumb as Jeffy, even Grandma Keane seems smart.

Monty: OK! OK! I admit it! I forgot the last four digits of your model number!

I'm sorry. I know I should probably stop being so amused by this storyline. But come on! The vacuum's holding an umbrella! AN UMBRELLA! It's funny!

Mark Trail: I'm looking for a dalmation puppy, she may have been hit by a car...

I am genuinely surprised to learn that Sassy is a dalmatian puppy, and the guy who does the coloring probably was too, assuming the guy who does the coloring actually reads the comic.

La Cucaracha: And now for a disjointed political message...

This should probably be the heading of every installment of La Cucaracha.