Marmaduke: No, you won't. I'll go and apologize.

Marmaduke is often the brunt of jokes--and often the brunt of my jokes--but it is far from the worst comic in the comics section. It's generally at its best when it goes for the absurd, but today's is funny mostly for the overexcited expression on Phil's face.

Mark Trail: A rabbit darts from under the shed and Sassy excitedly gives chase.

New prediction: Rusty will get bitten by a rabid bunny. Mark will save his life by shrinking himself, entering Rusty's body, and punching rabies in the face.

Family Circus: PJ and I made you toast and jelly for breakfast, but we ate it.

Jeffy's education of PJ accelerates, as Thel's life continues to suck.

Dennis the Menace: Wow, Dad! Do your "golf words" work on the mower, too?

Henry's sexual frustration appears to be negatively effecting him in his day-to-day life. Dennis just wants him to go away.

Blondie: Full conact golf!

And so Herb and Dagwood have finally found an outlet for all that sexual tension.

Mark Trail: Sassy, don't be such a SISSY.

Ooh, today's Mark Trail suggests that Rusty might get crushed under a house! That would be exciting!

My Cage: I've been hooking up with my ex-boyfriend out of boredom.

Apparently, the Cageverse is more humane than the Pluggerverse.

This is not surprising.

Herb & Jamaal: Oh, man, I just found a gray hair!

If Herb were just being an asshole, this comic wouldn't be all that funny. But because Herb is specifically being an asshole to his mother-in-law, it is hilarious.

Family Circus: No way did I do it. I can draw a lot better than that!

In a shocking twist, Thel is angry. Billy, meanwhile, helpfully points out that she is also an idiot.

Dennis the Menace: If you're the boss of the house, how come you hafta play cards in the basement.

Henry and Alice appear to have come to some sort of reconciliation, in which Henry will live in the basement for the foreseeable future.

Dennis can be seen here rubbing salt in the festering sore that is Henry's life.