Luann: You mean instead of a PLASTIC one?

This comic is hilarious because Gunther does not consider Tiffany's vibrator to be a "real boyfriend," and this has made her sad.

Herb & Jamaal: How do I nag you?!?

Sometimes I nag Herb & Jamaal about being unfunny and sexist.

Does this mean I'm a woman?

Family Circus: Don't let go or else it'll fall up!

It's pretty impressive that Dolly has managed to terrify Jeffy merely by stating a mundane scientific fact in a slightly odd way. Jeffy will now be holding onto this balloon for weeks, watching as the air slowly seeps out of it, the sad, deflated husk bouncing along behind him. He'll get yelled at, perhaps even beaten, by each of his parents, but will frantically protest, "Mommy, I CAN'T let it go! The world will be thrown into CHAOS!" And all the while, Dolly will be smirking wickedly from her rocking horse.

Needless to say, it will all be quite adorable.

Beetle Bailey: I putt the ball just as the windmill crosses the hole!

Am I wrong? Has Lt. Fuzz always been an idiot, and I just didn't realize? Or is this a new and exciting direction for the character?

If there's anyone out there more up on minor Beetle Bailey characters than me, let me know what's going on with Lt. Fuzz. Your help would be so greatly appreciated, I wouldn't even make fun of you.

Pearls Before Swine: AAAHHHHH

We here at The Comics Section appreciate just this sort of sophisticated humor.

Ziggy: I've never known a hard drive to crash out of boredom before!

"Except for, you know, that time it happened to you four months ago."

Family Circus: I swallowed my broccoli, but it still tastes bad.

Jeffy, of course, prefers the savory aftertaste of raw human flesh.

Dennis the Menace: Don't worry, Dad, I'm just practicin' for our trip to the lake.

And so Dennis apparently tortures his family's pets.

IS HE MENACING ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW?

Candorville: I'm quitting cold-turkey. I will not use anything taxpayer-funded.

Candorville, like all comic strips that include political content, is usually at its best when eschewing the politics and focusing on character. This is an exception. To be sure, it probably helps that I find the political viewpoint agreeable. But even if you don't, you have to at least admit that it's a very well constructed joke.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Can't ya narrow that down a li'l more, Lukey?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: deconstructing the English language in the stupidest way possible since 1919.