Pluggers: Only a plugger would buy a 24-horsepower mower to cut a 20-by-40-foot lawn.

This cartoon is hilarious because pluggers are lazy (except when they're hard-working) and mow their lawns (except when they don't) and hate the environment (except when they're trying to save it) and like modern technology (except when they hate it).

Family Circus: Mommy needs me to sit next to her so she knows what's happenin' in the game.

Here we see Thel Keane looking around at all the happy couples, wondering just when and where it was that her life went so horribly, horribly wrong.

Get Fuzzy: Robert, you let a ferret give you a fake award with a camera in it and what's next? A man marrying a horse, that's what.

This is probably the finest parody of the slippery slope argument ever.

Luann: That was fun! I got so much out of that!

This comic is hilarious because Tiffany is going to have sex with 26 one-legged soldiers.

Crankshaft: Is it fun?

Because nobody knows more about having fun than Crankshaft.

Mark Trail: She's ALIVE!

Seriously, though, placing yourself in Sassy's position, you've got to ask yourself which is really more terrifying. In one scenario, you've got a very stupid, giant-headed, cold-blooded reptile beast that constantly looks as though it could devour you at any moment. And in the other, you've got an alligator.

To be sure, neither is a great option, but at least once you get away from the gator, you're done with it. Rusty, on the other hand, will mindlessly follow after you to the ends of the earth. The gator is also probably mortal, whereas Rusty is almost certainly some sort of zombie, seeing as he would be dead many times over by now if he could actually be killed.

All things considered, Sassy should take her chances with the gator. Even if she gets eaten, it will still be better than living in Lost Forest.

Luann: Tiffany sure is cheering up the soldiers.

And so the moral we can take from this week of Luann is that if you are a sixteen-year-old sexpot, you can cheer up wounded soldiers. If you are any other kind of person, you should not even bother trying.

Family Circus: PJ did it. I only made a suggestion.

Ziggy would like you to believe that he is the most put-upon, pitiable character in the comics section. But Ziggy's a fake, his image created to promote a reactionary, anti-tax, Ayn Rand-inspired agenda.

No, the honor of most pitiable character in the comics section easily goes to PJ Keane.

Girls and Sports: What am I, chopped liver?

This comic is hilarious because Bradley has:

1. the legs of a woman and
2. magical shrinking feet.

Dennis the Menace: Let me guess. You guys are goin' out, and I'm stuck here with a sitter, right?

This cartoon is hilarious because Dennis' parents are going out, and he's going to stay home with a sitter.