Family Circus: Merry Christmas from ALL of us!

It appears that a serial killer who is not Jeffy has sneaked into the Keane house through the chimney and is lying in wait to murder the whole family horribly.

It is a merry Christmas indeed.

Mark Trail: WHAT'S that woman up to?

Women! They just can't handle manly things. Like boats. And water.

Family Circus: Mommy, isn't it time for us to get nestled all snug in our beds?

Here we see Billy being his oddly pretentious self, Jeffy dreaming of mutilated corpses under the tree, and Dolly gleefully awaiting her total world domination. PJ, of course, is pooping.

Funky Winkerbean: Just think, if it wasn't for some woman phoning in an anonymous phony bomb threat...

If it weren't for Lola, Funky Winkerbean's cloying sentimentality and empty spiritualism would be the most revolting thing in the comics section today.

Luann: Merry Christmas.

I wish this were Funky Winkerbean so we could at least take solace in the fact that at least one of these characters was going to get cancer and die.

Lola: Why on EARTH are you naked?!

I think this is supposed to be a Dick in a Box type joke, where the male believes the greatest gift he can give to a woman is his amazing self. But it's not obvious. What is obvious is that this is horrifying.

It's also obvious that Lola's boyfriend does not have a penis. So, new list.

Things you cannot show in the comics section:

1. A grown man's penis.

Doonesbury: Wildly inappropriate as usual, Dex.

Things you can say or at least directly refer to in the comics section:

1. S&M
2. Whore
3. Anal

Things you can't say in the comics section:

1. Douchebag

Curtis: I sure hope Daddy can put the gift I left under the tree to good use!

This comic is hilarious because Curtis's father is going to beat Curtis with a belt for getting him a lousy present.

Curtis: Because nothing's funnier than child abuse!

Beetle Bailey: Yiii!!

Here we see Mrs. Halftrack, having earlier stumbled across her husband's large collection of punk fetish adult magazines, attempting to rekindle the romance in her marriage. The general is unimpressed and, as usual, being a huge prick about it.

Pardon My Planet: Aliens. That's a good one.

I can't decide whether this comic is funny or not.

But I'm absolutely sure that it is terrifying.