Family Circus: When we say grace, is it okay to pray for what we want for dessert?

And so Dolly has made, with surprising humility, the first tentative steps toward subjugating God.

Dilbert: Maybe I can reword those choices to make us feel less like psychopathic hobos.

Dilbert may not be what it once was, but Scott Adams can still write a darn fine punchline.

Family Circus: We hafta go back and run in again. Daddy's gotta figure out how to turn on his camera.

Ah, yes. What better time than Christmas to break out the hoary old technology trope?

Mark Trail: Mark, in the sheriff's patrol car, speeds to help Rusty.

Because nothing says Merry Christmas like a high-speed chase.

Boffo: The world and the way it would be if my Uncle Leon was Sandy Koufax.

This cartoon is hilarious because Sandy Koufax is Jewish, so he probably wouldn't be celebrating Christmas in the first place.

Brevity: Chief, we found some Mentos. This may have been a lighthearted prank gone awry.

It's the goat that especially gets me.

Family Circus: Listen! I think I heard eight tiny reindeer!

This cartoon is hilarious because Jeffy has confused the sound of his parents' muffled love-making with Santa's sleigh.

Why he believes the reindeer to be tiny is anyone's guess, though when it comes to inexplicable stuff Jeffy says or does my money's always on "because he's a fucking idiot."

Pluggers: Walmart: A plugger's Macy's, Neiman Marcus and FAO Schwarz all in one.

And this, ladies and gentleman, is what Pluggers is all about.

Mark Trail: Go before it's too late--please!

Though Mark will surely and unfortunately save him before we find out, the most interesting question this comic raises is whether Rusty's body would even hold together long enough for him to drown. I'm going with no, but it could admittedly go either way.

Fast Track: What will happen when The Black Hat finds his spyware is gone?

This Fast Track comic might not make a lot of sense to you, so allow me to summarize the story so far: The fly in the first panel fell in love with a piece of spyware that turned out to be one of Santa's former elves. The elf had been turned into spyware by The Black Hat, as seen in the third panel, who is apparently some sort of spyware pimp. Patina, meanwhile, recruited Santa to rescue the elf, and now she and Santa are working together to bring down The Black Hat.

It is the single most bizarre thing I have ever read in my life.