Dennis the Menace: His guardian angel must be a nervous wreck.

It's unlikely that Dolly will be as pathetically ineffectual as Mr. Wilson when she grows up, but she will almost certainly be just as mean.

Marmaduke: I don't care how offended he gets. I need a good night's sleep.

This cartoon is hilarious because Dottie's too tired to have sex with Marmaduke tonight.

Mark Trail: I'm changing to the GOOD guys ... I'm NOT a pet killer!

See, if Mark Trail were like this every day, I don't think I'd complain about it very much. Dude swinging from a tree, didactically bantering with Mark as comically bad drawing attempts to render the effects of a fist fight on the human anatomy is just a goofy good time.

Mallard Fillmore: Reading or repeating the contents of this cartoon may land you on the President's Enemies List.

Actually, anyone who reads Mallard Fillmore with the intention of deriving enjoyment from it really does belong on some sort of Enemies List.

Luann: Really?! You poor, miserable pilgrim! Come, I'll share my bounty.

And by "bounty," Luann clearly means "vagina."

Garfield: 101 Cruel Things To Do

This comic is hilarious because Garfield is a sadist.

Family Circus: Thanksgiving should come AFTER Christmas...

Billy's new religion will be very materialistic.

Crankshaft: The yardwork is over and dad can't hurt himself for another four months.

In the next exciting installment of Crankshaft: Crankshaft cuts off his own arm just to spite the daughter he loathes. Hilarity ensues.

Close to Home: ...

And people laughed at George W. Bush.

Family Circus: It's your fault, Billy! You're the oldest and you should know better!

Apparently PJ always wears loafers. I still find it odd.

Also, oh, look, Jeffy's a douche.