Luann: You mean instead of a PLASTIC one?

This comic is hilarious because Gunther does not consider Tiffany's vibrator to be a "real boyfriend," and this has made her sad.

Herb & Jamaal: How do I nag you?!?

Sometimes I nag Herb & Jamaal about being unfunny and sexist.

Does this mean I'm a woman?

Family Circus: Don't let go or else it'll fall up!

It's pretty impressive that Dolly has managed to terrify Jeffy merely by stating a mundane scientific fact in a slightly odd way. Jeffy will now be holding onto this balloon for weeks, watching as the air slowly seeps out of it, the sad, deflated husk bouncing along behind him. He'll get yelled at, perhaps even beaten, by each of his parents, but will frantically protest, "Mommy, I CAN'T let it go! The world will be thrown into CHAOS!" And all the while, Dolly will be smirking wickedly from her rocking horse.

Needless to say, it will all be quite adorable.

Beetle Bailey: I putt the ball just as the windmill crosses the hole!

Am I wrong? Has Lt. Fuzz always been an idiot, and I just didn't realize? Or is this a new and exciting direction for the character?

If there's anyone out there more up on minor Beetle Bailey characters than me, let me know what's going on with Lt. Fuzz. Your help would be so greatly appreciated, I wouldn't even make fun of you.

Pearls Before Swine: AAAHHHHH

We here at The Comics Section appreciate just this sort of sophisticated humor.

Ziggy: I've never known a hard drive to crash out of boredom before!

"Except for, you know, that time it happened to you four months ago."

Family Circus: I swallowed my broccoli, but it still tastes bad.

Jeffy, of course, prefers the savory aftertaste of raw human flesh.

Dennis the Menace: Don't worry, Dad, I'm just practicin' for our trip to the lake.

And so Dennis apparently tortures his family's pets.

IS HE MENACING ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW?

Candorville: I'm quitting cold-turkey. I will not use anything taxpayer-funded.

Candorville, like all comic strips that include political content, is usually at its best when eschewing the politics and focusing on character. This is an exception. To be sure, it probably helps that I find the political viewpoint agreeable. But even if you don't, you have to at least admit that it's a very well constructed joke.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Can't ya narrow that down a li'l more, Lukey?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: deconstructing the English language in the stupidest way possible since 1919.

Pluggers: What is this show?! And why aren't there any cowboys?!

Indeed, the problem with NCIS: Los Angeles is that it's just too darn hip.

Herb & Jamaal: She's 21, Uhuru.

Next time in Herb & Jamaal: Her world thrown into confusion, Uhuru frantically attempts to discover the identity of her real father by digging through her mother's old middle school yearbooks. Hilarity ensues.

Family Circus: Why did you wait till the last minute to do your homework?

Billy's continued development into a moralistic prophet-teacher is going swimmingly.

Cow and Boy: The courage of an eagle, the strength of a black tiger, and the power of a god.

I know I already have a Best Comic of the Day listing for the fourteenth, but this comic has a Beastmaster reference. Nay, not only that, but Dr. Beastmaster! It has a Dr. Beastmaster! This has literally been the most exciting thing to happen to me all day. Maybe all week.

Monty: Diagram 14b

Robot-on-vacuum love is a comedy gold mine.

No, really.

Peanuts: This is all paid for by the city.

Years later, anti-library bias would become key in identifying the always unsigned work Sally Brown did as a cartoonist at Mort Walker Studios Inc.

Family Circus: That's enough! I gotta get right back so my friends can keep enjoyin' me!

And by "friends," Jeffy of course means "helpless victims." To be fair, though, in his deluded mind, they really are enjoyin' it.

Beetle Bailey: Lt. Fuzz never seems to understand the General's orders.

Ha ha! Lt. Fuzz is an idiot!

No, this doesn't fit with any of his prior characterization, but the gag was so funny Mort Walker Inc. just couldn't pass it up. Nor could they use Zero, a character specifically designed for this sort "Ha ha, he's stupid!" gag, because, um, they want to maintain the illusion that Camp Swampy functions like a real military camp? Or something?

9 Chickweed Lane: What did you say to him?

And the soul-sucking continues.

Family Circus: Mommy, would you like to check the spelling on my "What I want for my birthday" list*?

It would be tempting to read this as yet another example of adorably crass materialism, but I think in this case Billy just knows that the ability to spell words correctly is a vital part of establishing credibility as a prophet in this generally literate world.

*Commonly known simply as a "birthday list" in every part of the world that isn't Keaneville.

The Phantom: Don't forget me, Walker!

All right, Savarna, that's not too bad. The key here is to maintain your composure and not sound too desperate. You've got to let him know that you'll always welcome him back into your life, but you don't want to--
NOOOOOOOOO...

Hi and Lois: Sunbeam deserves a day off ... even a week's vacation once a year.

Even little Trixie knows that giving employees more than a week's worth of vacation per year puts us even further along the slippery slope to socialism.

Close to Home: See kids? This is a LETTER. A LETTER.

This cartoon is hilarious because this old, senile person has forgotten that everybody already knows what a fucking letter is.

Shoe: Heck ... I'm the only one of my friends who's still living.

It just goes to show, no matter how bad you have it, someone always has it worse. Unless you happen to be this old guy, I guess.

Family Circus: It's a HOUSE right now. When people move in it'll be a HOME.

Dolly could never be quite sure why, but nobody ever seemed to stay very long in Keaneville. It was the one area of her life she couldn't control completely. Maybe it was the financial crisis Mommy and Daddy kept arguing about. Maybe the neighbors just didn't feel welcome for some reason. Maybe it had something to do with all those mysterious mounds of dirt that kept popping up in the back yard. Most likely, it was just one of those things nobody could ever really understand, one of those little mysteries of childhood.

9 Chickweed Lane: How did you act when you realized who he was?

And so Edie is a succubus who has decided to suck Lieutenant Keisl's soul out through his eyeballs.

Maybe it was a mistake on my part, but I didn't see that one coming.

Agnes: You look very happy, Grandma.

I've grown quite fond of Agnes. Odd how a lot of the best comic strips are the less well known ones.

Family Circus: I can't reach the towel!

And so Jeffy's laziness is trumped only by his gluttony.

This is not surprising.