Luann: Aaron Hill!?

I don't say this very often, but today's Luann is very, very funny.*

*Of course, the humor relies on the reader having a basic knowledge of Luann's mythology. Yes, Luann has a mythology. It's basically The Wire of comic strips.

Mark Trail: There are several restaurants in the area that buy meat from the Parkers...

Gee whiz! Mark is so shocked that some politicians are (gasp!) corrupt that his face is literally falling apart!

Family Circus: But I don't want to cross the street.

And so all those early morning brainwashing sessions have had the intended effect. Jeffy will never leave the Keane Kult Kompound (or the KKK, for short) of his own accord. For passing this little test, he will get a pat on the head and a small animal to torture.

Dustin: Just once couldn't you be stricken by a lack of consumer confidence?

Ha ha! Women! Shopping!

Mark Trail: Mark manages to put the Parker camp in the distance and he heads to meet his friend, Ranger Buzz Miller.

Holy mackerel! Mark's friend, Ranger Buzz, sure has aged over the course of this very long day! But that is just what dealing with hippies does to a man!

Luann: You two are my main men.

Gunther appears unsure as to whether he's prepared for this sort of sexual act. Quill, on the other hand, seems quite pleased at the suggestion.

Family Circus: OK, I'm done cleaning my room!

Artistic continuity? What artistic continuity?*

*In fairness, I'm sure I'm literally the only person on Earth who would ever notice this.

Dennis the Menace: My Dad's got a problem, and he thinks it's ME!

In reality, Henry is just finding it harder and harder to fulfill his sexual needs now that his wife has become a radical, bra-burning, man-hating feminist. Poor Dennis is but a scapegoat. The truth is, he's hardly a menace at all.

Agnes: She said if I didn't help her win the lawsuit, we would never have fine things like almost-new Toyotas or Jack LaLanne Juicers.

Jack LaLanne Power Juicers are never not funny.

I also appreciate the clever middle panel dialog and the existence of poor characters who are not grotesque stereotypes.

Cul de Sac: I don't see what's wrong with being grabby.

This comic is a perfect example of why Cul de Sac is so great.

The first panel highlights the specificity of the characterization. Grabbiness is, of course, a problem lots of children have. But it's something that Alice, specifically, would have a problem with.

The second panel highlights the expressiveness of the drawing. Look at those eyes. Look at that hair. Look at the tiny little mouth. Look at the little lines around the rabbit. It's completely clear what's happening, and it's completely clear what's about to happen.

And the third panel highlights the smartness of the dialog. It would have been easy, and still funny, to just see Alice screaming. Instead, we get an even funnier description of that scream. "An inhuman cry of anger, betrayal, horror and thwarted grabbiness" is just great, great writing.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Grits an' beans, grits an' beans!! Th' same breakfast ev'ry day!!

If even Keaneville can be suffocated under a thick cloud o' ex'tentialism, why not Hootin' Holler? Here we see Lukey frustrated with himself fer bein' unable ta break his own disgustin' breakfast habits. It's as though he were possessed by some sort o' disgustin' breakfast demon. In fact, a trip ta ol' Doc's office, with his magic exorcism elixir, might jus' do th' trick.

Wizard of Id: Ahhhh, my sweet sunbeam.

It took years of solitary confinement for Spook to get this bad. Trixie, on the other hand, was born this way.

Mark Trail: That's the last time we'll see that guy!

The main thing I've learned from reading Mark Trail is that growing your hair out makes you stupid, because the roots work their way into the brain and choke off the neurons and keep the synapses from firing and whatnot.

This was a problem exclusive to women until the darn, environment-hating hippies came along.

Hagar the Horrible and Dennis the Menace: But I miss SHOPPING in the city!

Those women and their shopping ha ha ha.

Family Circus: Doesn't anybody want to cheer me on while I do my homework?

The sad thing is, Jeffy's getting his pom-poms even as she speaks.

The Dolly gets what the Dolly wants.

Crankshaft: The land of the free, my foot...

This comic is hilarious because Crankshaft doesn't understand that liberty is not the same thing as never having to pay for anything.

Candorville: Sir, I've noticed you've replaced our political columnists with Mark Twain articles from the year 1900.

I think the point of this comic is supposed to be that replacing people like George Will and Maureen Dowd with old Mark Twain articles in newspapers would be a bad thing, akin to rerunning old comic strips when newspapers could be running new comic strips, like Candorville.

But the analogy completely falls apart when you consider that replacing people like George Will and Maureen Dowd with old Mark Twain articles would actually almost certainly be a good thing.

But then, I'm not terribly offended by Peanuts reruns, either.

Family Circus: Yep, me too! Egg salad again!

Not even The Family Circus can remain free from the ennui that has gripped much of the comics section over the past week. The dull monotony of Billy's life--here represented by the same two egg salad sandwiches day after day after day--has very nearly defeated him. And unlike his brother or Garfield, he doesn't even have the cheap thrill of sadism to temporarily spice things up.

Dennis the Menace: Mom says I'm getting to be like you ... clutterin' the house with junk.

Alice's man-hating feminism is really getting out of control.

Marmaduke: Didn't they teach you about babysitting in obedience school?

Look, little girl, no matter how hard you try to tell him otherwise, Marmaduke knows that babies are for eating. That's why they're so delicious.

Get Fuzzy: Ha ha ha ha

If Get Fuzzy were nothing but context-free drawings of Satchel looking sheepish and sad, I would probably still love it.

Family Circus: But I didn't hit him. My monkey did!

If there's anybody out there still under the impression that Jeffy Keane is anything other than pure, concentrated evil, take note of today's cartoon. What has PJ done to deserve this fate? Nothing. Jeffy has just walked over to him and hit him in the head with a stuffed monkey. Why? Presumably because he derives great pleasure from hurting other living creatures, and because he was under the impression that he could get away with it by using the sort of tortured logic that makes perfect sense to his deranged mind. But not even another Keane is stupid enough to buy that sort of nonsense.

Baby Blues: I think we have a mouse in the house.

Gender stereotypes! They never get old!

Also, either this is a repeat from my very first week of comics blogging (one whole year ago!) or creativity is not Kirkman and Scott's strong suit.

Zits: Universes.

Walt does not appear to have a very high opinion of his wife's body. It's a good thing she hasn't eaten any of Gunk's Flyspeck Island peanuts.

Mark Trail: He won't get away this time!

Most. Exciting. Chase. Sequence. Ever.

You can tell emotions are really running high (and that the bad guys are really bad) by all the contractions!

Hi and Lois: It's not safe to text and cook.

While Lois' comeback makes no actual sense, the amorphous blob of off-white food matter and ripped up pieces of lettuce she's prepared sure do look delightful.

Garfield: Cliff was a lousy dancer.

Ha ha! Gay!

Family Circus: How'd you like your egg this morning, Daddy? Purple? Yellow? Green?

The Keane children have dyed eggs. Hilarity currently ensuing.

Dennis the Menace: She's busy doin' her housework. It's what she does for a living.

Alice Mitchell: feminist icon.

Blondie: Hey! There's the husband of the year!

To recap: Dagwood made dinner once. This apparently makes him the best husband in the whole Blondieverse.

The comics section truly does get more progressive with each passing day.

Baldo: I worry that you barely know him.

Some women, the sort that thinks dating is a good way to get to know men they don't already know very well, were probably confused by this comic. But that's just because they're enormous sluts.

Family Circus: The cracked egg can be PJ's.

Let's take this cacophony of misery one quote at a time.

Jeffy said you were killing the eggs, but he meant dyeing them, didn't he, Daddy?

This pun's so fun, we got to hear it twice! Also, Jeffy's an idiot.

I like chocolate eggs better than chicken ones.

It's funny 'cause they're completely different.

Green next!

This is hilarious because someone would like to dye the next egg green.

Let's write "Grandma" on one and mail it to her!

Bill will almost certainly lie to his children about doing this.

The cracked egg can be PJ's.

PJ should probably just be glad he's getting an egg.

Who colors the jelly beans?

It's funny 'cause they're completely different.

How long do we have to stay here and help you, Daddy?

Dyeing eggs is stupid and everybody knows it, even the Keane children.

That was a ping-pong ball you put in the yellow glass.

Bill is an idiot.

Red next!

This is hilarious because someone would like to dye the next egg red.

I never knew that red, green, purple, blue, yellow, and orange made dark gray.

Maybe this one can be PJ's too!

Purple next!

This is hilarious because someone would like to dye the next egg purple.

Jeffy mixed some raw eggs in with all the cooked ones.

Jeffy's an idiot.