Cartoons such as this serve to remind old people that even though it would be nice if their grandchildren loved them more, there are certain advantages to living in the real world.
Turns out something did actually happen: Rusty got hurt! But this happens so often in Mark Trail that it may as well be nothing.
This plan is so clearly better than just killing her, what with the very slim chance of backfiring and all.
This cartoon is hilarious because Marmaduke is sexually assaulting a random stranger while children look on happily.
It would be nice if people put more thought into their votes, but it's pretty clear that they generally don't. This Baldo reminds me of the old lady in the Goodwill store I overheard asserting that George W. Bush was a good president because of his chin. "He has a good, strong chin," she said. "A presidential chin." Indeed.
"Of course, even with all that, it would still suck."
The Family Circus is one-part autobiographical kids do and say the darnedest things and one-part nuclear family myth. This cartoon is of the second variety, in which the Keane clan is held up as the ideal family. It's supposed to be heartwarming and reaffirming for people who wish all families were like this, just like they were back in the good old days.
Oh no! I'm feeling very tense! This is quite suspenseful! I can't wait until tomorrow's Mark Trail, wherein the car will fall, but everybody will be perfectly safe! Either that or the car won't fall at all!
What I usually do here is point out all the unintentionally horrifying things the comics section portrays. It's basic deconstruction. The Family Circus is supposed to be about how cute the kids are, but oh, look, they're actually monsters from Hell. That kind of thing.
I am amused by "child-ogre." I can't help it. It's funny.
This comic is hilarious because Edie refuses to give Germans erections unless she can give Americans erections too.
In fairness, as Jeffy surely knows, most of Thel's weight is in her enormous rack.
What I most like about Dog Eat Doug is that Sophie sort of hates Doug and never passes up the opportunity to mock, manipulate or otherwise torment him, and yet it still comes off as somehow less mean-spirited than most other comic strips. There's an affection underneath the hate that most relationships in the comics section lack, but it's hard to nail down exactly.
And so God hates the characters in Stone Soup.
This cartoon is hilarious because Kit does not want to have sex with her cat tonight.
This comic is hilarious because Betty and Alex want to have a threesome with an old lady.
Aww, old people, isn't it adorable how Jeffy loves his grandmother more than his mother?
I was actually looking forward to see what would happen in Mark Trail today after yesterday's cliffhanger. So unless it's just a fake out and Mark is going to get eaten by a rabid seal tomorrow, today's flat tire is a bit of a letdown.
This cartoon is hilarious because Dolly is annoyed that her grandmother's arrival has thrown a kink into her carefully calibrated family power structure. Thel really should have the dishes done by now, goddamn it.
This really ought to be the last Mark Trail ever, as a more perfect ending--Mark and Rusty driving off a cliff together to save a woodland creature--could not possibly exist.*
This comic is hilarious because Lalo Alcaraz has discovered Photoshop and thinks it makes him clever.
This comic is hilarious because Hi is attempting to get back at his adulterous wife by engaging in family fun.
This cartoon is hilarious because people eat turkey for Thanksgiving and often have leftovers.
There are times when I feel like any comment I could make would be superfluous. This is one of those times. Observe the bland, wooden dialog. The exclamation points. The action of a vehicle in motion. The sloppily rendered scenery contrasting with the lovingly crafted animal. And, of course, Mark's face in the second panel. It is perfection.
It has been my experience that Christmas trees do indeed grow every year. The first year my wife and I lived together, we had a one foot tall fake plastic tree rescued from my in-laws' garage. Now we have a real tree that's probably about five feet tall. Getting a larger tree up the stairs and into our apartment would be quite the ordeal, but when we buy a house, I imagine we'll get a tree like Sally and Ted's.
This comic is hilarious because Hi has finally figured out that his wife is cheating on him.
So it turns out that The Phantom's wife is not really dead.
And thus was every Non Sequitur Sunday strip ever written perfectly summarized in a single line.
