Pluggers: You're a plugger if you started reading "War and Peace" in high school and are nearly done by your 50th class reunion.

And so pluggers are borderline illiterate.

No, this is not surprising.

Marmaduke: Hoping to help me with dinner, are you?

Actually, he was just planning to eat her.

Curtis: Remember, the Brengir is still out there.

And thus ends this year's Kwanzaa-Curtis. On the plus side, I actually understand the moral of this year's story (as opposed to last year's). I also enjoyed the inclusion the mythologically traditional trickster character. And I'm glad the dog came back to life, because I'm a sucker for happy endings.

On the other hand, the lack of COMPLETELY INSANE SHIT was a pretty big disappointment. If a talking yellow mouse was the wildest part of Kwanzaa-Curtis, then it just hasn't been a very exciting Kwanzaa-Curtis. It also seemed a bit shorter than usual.

In any event, I look forward to next year, when I will almost certainly became VERY, VERY EXCITED about it for no discernible reason again.

For Better or For Worse: OK-OK-Would you just go and find something to rub on my back!

This comic is hilarious because John is planning to cannibalize his wife.

In all seriousness, reading through For Better or For Worse reruns, I'm struck by what a gigantic asshole John is most of the time. As I recall, this--like pretty much everything else in the strip--would mellow out over time, but I kind of hate him now.

Mark Trail: A hollowed-out lure would make a good place to hid diamonds!

Given the evidence Mark has here--Ben is using large, lightweight lures--diamond smuggling really is the obvious conclusion.

Marmaduke: He makes friends real quick.

"And then he eats them."

Pearls Before Swine: JEFFY, fat and tattooed, sits on death row receiving last rites.

Not even Jeffy can outrun the law forever, I suppose.

Marmaduke: I threw it, Marmaduke. You're supposed to fetch the ball to me!

Marmaduke would like to fuck this tiny poodle. And then eat it.

Lola: Reasonable price for a whole human being.

And so Lola is an advocate of human slavery.

This is not surprising.

Curtis: Andrew told Lila of his risky idea.

OK, seriously, how in the fuck is this plan even remotely risky?

Beetle Bailey: You can look but you can't touch, right, Amos?

Fucking feminists, with their "no dehumanizing objectification or sexual harassment of coworkers" nonsense, am I right?

Dog Eat Doug: I see a bright future for you in the banking industry.

A cookie is the most delicious metaphor of all.

Big Nate: My favorite place in the mall is Pretzel Time!

This comic is hilarious because fat kids like to eat.

Moderately Confused: Directions to our home? Follow the sound of screaming children.

And this is why you never open the door for Marmaduke, OK kids?

Curtis: It was risky, but it might save her son, and everyone else!

Given that Andrew has already managed to destroy humanity (with the exception of himself and big-eyed, time-traveling Lila here), I'm curious as to what sort of idea would still qualify as risky.

Better Half: I caught a snowflake on my tongue and it tasted like a tropical cocktail.

After a long break, Better Half has returned to its always cogent global warming commentary.

The Phantom: Dad's home!

Ha ha! These kids think they're going to get to see their father! They should know by now that The Phantom doesn't do family time.

Herb and Jamaal: Running up bills, jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth.

This comic is hilarious because women are economically illiterate, irrational liars.

Nancy: I'll show you the most impressive skyscraper of all.

I'm not sure I like where this is going...

Somehow, this is even worse.