Mark Trail: You'd better put on your life preserver so they can't see that you are a ranger!

Fun fact: Mark Trail can make something happen by the mere utterance of his all-powerful Word. Take the last panel in today's comic, for example. Mark informs Ranger Buzz that he really ought to put on a life preserver, not for basic canoeing safety or anything,* but so as to deceive people.** And before the words have even left Mark's mouth, the life preserver has just instantaneously appeared on Ranger Buzz's torso. If you look closely, you can even see what appears to be a look of shock and awe on Ranger Buzz's face.***

*Considering that Mark Fucking Trail is the ultimate life preserver, what extra protection could you possibly need, after all?

**Morality!

***Of course, considering that this is Mark Trail, it could be any number of other emotions, including, but not limited to: constipation, pain, pleasure, thoughtfulness, lust, sorrow, jaundice, misery, contempt, respect for wildlife creatures, or death.

Family Circus: No, I don't want to know how many peanuts you can fit in your mouth.

This cartoon is hilarious because Thel is angrily berating Billy for trying to amuse her.

Barfy, meanwhile, seems bizarrely pleased about all of this.

Dennis the Menace: I didn't think anything was as bad as broccoli, but cabbage comes real close.

This cartoon is hilarious because Dennis does not enjoy the taste of either broccoli or cabbage, and it's also hilarious because ...

No, wait. That's it, actually.

Cleats: For a soccer team, this all-you-can-eat pizza place works out much better than a fancy-schmancy restaurant.

Ha ha! Populism!

Herb & Jamaal and Pearls Before Swine: This strip just gets stranger and stranger.

These comics each use pretty much the same gag, in which a mundane phrase becomes absurdly literal for comic effect. But the Pearls is quite a bit funnier, partially because the specific situation is more extreme, partially because Pig is just a funnier character than the tall one in Herb & Jamaal and partially because of the extra layer of meta in the final Pearls panel.

*Herb & Jamaal from 3-6-10.

Family Circus: I'm too warm. Can I bundle down?

This cartoon is hilarious because "bundle down" is not actually the opposite of "bundle up."

Crock: Someone whould tell the cook spaghetti swells when you cook it.

As anyone familiar with the comics section knows, Crock is not a very good comic strip. But I have to admit to laughing at today's installment. Exploding spaghetti is always funny, and the cracking whip is a nicely absurd touch.

Family Circus: Remember, you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

Here we see Billy treating his grandmother's insipid cliches with precisely the amount of reverence they deserve.

BC: Maude tricked me into going to the opera.

This comic is hilarious because female ants enjoy high ant art, while male ants despise high ant art.

Family Circus: Sorry, the only perfume I'd like would smell like a chocolate-chip cookie.

And so, in addition to his serial murdering, Jeffy has apparently decided to start experimenting with cannibalism.

This is in fitting with his lycanthropic delusions, so it's not terribly surprising.

Family Circus: No, I read about it. I didn't witness George Washington cutting down the cherry tree.

This cartoon is hilarious because Billy is attempting to explain that folklore is often not historically accurate, but Bill's just getting all defensive about it.

Better Half: There's a Twitter in my alphabet cereal.

This cartoon is hilarious because Glasbergen* clearly has no idea what "a Twitter" is.

*No, I will not look up his full name, as that would require more effort than he put in to the making of this cartoon.**


**Which makes no goddamn sense, by the way.***

***Also, this.

Drabble: First you'll need to get some of this black stuff to put on your cheeks.

Please note that eye black is quite literally the central subject of this comic strip. Note also that the youngster is wearing freshly applied eye black in the second and third panels. Now observe said youngster's face in the fourth panel.

There are four panels here. Maintaining some semblance of artistic continuity should not be that difficult. And yet.

Mark Trail: Wow, Mark, take a look at that!

Here, for perhaps the first time, we see a character in the Elrodverse expressing natural human sexual urges. Mark is either very confused or about to punch Ranger Buzz in the face.

Cathy: Sooner or later, we all regret the fortune we've spent on bubble bath and cologne.

This comic is hilarious because Cathy is sexually frustrated.

Family Circus: 'Cause it's my birthday!

At this point, I think it's safe to say that Jeffy's just kind of a pervert.

And it sort of horrifies me that I'm about to start listing appearances of Jeffy's naked body under the Tropes label.

Beetle Bailey: If he says again that this lake isn't polluted, don't believe him.

And so Sarge is apparently some sort of god. This is pretty surprising, so one would hope he has mercy on his disbelieving underlings.

Shoe: What do you think of the Brussels sprouts?

This joke is almost as funny as the time I saw it in The Family Circus.

Mark Trail: We have a portage up ahead. Then we will stop by and visit with our friend Ben Harris...

"Our friend Ben Harris really is a swell fellow! You have not forgotten that our friend Ben Harris is our friend, have you Ranger Buzz? (You are also my friend, Ranger Buzz!)"

Family Circus: PANTS ON THE GROUND!

This comic is hilarious because Jeffy is a miserable little person who everybody hates, with the sole exception of his grandmother, with whom he shares a kindred soul.

Pearls Before Swine: Well now gosh dern dadburn it!!

If Pastis wanted to repeat this comic with a different annoying character getting an arrow through the chest every week, I'd probably be OK with that.