Mark Trail: Oh, I forgot to tell you ... Cherry called while you were in the shower!

Mark Trail consistently provides the finest facial expressions in the comics section. Mark's panicked face in the third panel here, for example, really is just glorious.

Better Half: I remember when "blog" was a sound my stomach made after dinner.

I like to imagine that the fat guy with the big nose is reading my blog right now and dying a little on the inside.

Family Circus: I'm gettin' kinda hungry. I think it must be halftime.

I kind of like today's Family Circus. It's no Calvinball, but Billy's impromptu halftime nonetheless captures the way kids make up games as they go along. It made me smile, which is what it was supposed to do. There really is a place in the comics section for stuff like this.

Peanuts: Did the little boy who sits in front of you at school cry again today?

Life has never been easy.

Better Half: If I Google myself and nothing shows up, does that mean I don't exist?

No. The answer to this question is "No."

Family Circus: It doesn't get to be a Christmas tree 'til it gets all dressed up.

Another clever aphorism from future prophet Billy. Sadly, his wisdom is wasted on the likes of Jeffy.

La Cucaracha: Little TSA Agent Fun Kit

This comic is hilarious because the TSA is teaching your children to stick their fingers up other children's butts. True story.

Crock: Who's next on our raid-and-pillage list?

Is this a "We just raped your mother" joke? I think it might be. And it's making me uncomfortable.

But then, Crock always makes me uncomfortable.

Family Circus: Reindeer would be easier to ride than horses. They come with handlebars.

Oh, you like horses, do you? Well...

And leave it to Dolly to instantly recognize an animal's unusual anatomical feature as a tool for its eventual domination.

Ziggy: So what if everyone laughs at you? You're making the world a happier place!

This is perhaps the saddest cartoon I've ever seen. Mostly because Ziggy's therapist is clearly lying to him, trying desperately to make him feel better about himself. Because Ziggy, quite obviously, does not make the world a better place.

Mark Trail: KELLY!

I'm proud to say that I pretty much called this one.

Wizard of Id: ...And Bill, you take the right flank and cut off their route of escape...

Having cornered the market on bestiality jokes, The Wizard of Id is now looking to get into gang rape humor.

This is not surprising.

Shoe: It must be a naptop.

See what the wizard-repairman bird-guy did there? He changed the first letter of "laptop" from an "l" to an "n" to create the word "naptop" instead. He did this because Cosmo always falls asleep when uses this particular laptop. This is the reason Cosmo called wizard-repairman bird-guy. Obviously.

And so I can only conclude that this comic is hilarious not because of the word play (which, after all, is not hilarious), but rather because Cosmo is a moron and the wizard-repairman bird-guy is about to beat him to death with a wrench.

Family Circus: ...Grandma said Christmas is just around the corner.

This cartoon is hilarious because Jeffy doesn't understand metaphors. Because he's an idiot.

Family Circus: DEC.

This comic is hilarious because the Keane children are awful, but also materialistic. Which is also awful. So really, this comic is hilarious because the Keane children are awful.