Family Circus: Mommy! Jeffy and PJ keep bringing out the clothes from your bedroom closet!

This cartoon is hilarious because Jeffy's teaching PJ how to be a fucking idiot.

Cathy: I'm showing too much skin!!

This comic is horrifying hilarious because Cathy is trying on swimsuits.

Boodocks: That's left-wing, radical-hippie-communist thinkin', Ribbon.

Today's Boondocks rerun is impressive in how accurately it recreates the Barack Obama-Dick Cheney almost-sort-of-kind-of-face-off yesterday. Except for the capitulation at the end, fortunately.

Family Circus: This is neat party we're havin', mommy! Is everybody staying for lunch?

This cartoon is hilarious because Jeffy is a fucking idiot.

Blondie: What's the price?

This comic would make a lot more sense if smaller cars actually cost more than bigger cars. But why let honesty get in the way of a lame punchline?

In the Bleachers: Bench-clearing brawl!!

Oh, these modern sports stars with their greed and their violence. I know, it's so funny.

But let's stop laughing for a minute and try to think through the logic in this cartoon. The author is apparently upset that sports teams build stadiums with taxpayer money. I'm upset with that too! Teams totally shouldn't do that!

It is, however, the teams that are building the stadiums, not the players. The players are just employed by the teams. Therefore, the teams, not the players, are saving money at the expense of the taxpayers.

Moreover, were the players to return their bonus money, they would be returning it to the teams, not the taxpayers. And so the result would be that the teams would save even more money, at the expense of both their employees and the taxpayers. The point being, this cartoon is very stupid, as is the popular mode of thought that led to it.

But oh, look. On top of all that, it's acting as a metaphor for the current banking crisis and bailouts. Why that makes it, um, even stupider?

Family Circus:...the my mommy said to daddy, "We'll get rid of all the junk around this place."

Poor Dolly. She doesn't yet realize that Thel was talking, in part, about her.

Mutts: Sea turtles are perhaps the most endangered species on the planet!!!

Mutts has a tendency to run these message strips that don't bother with anything except the message. It's an annoying habit. Because while I like Mutts, I dislike propaganda, even when I agree with it. There must have been some way to make this (absolutely true and worthwhile!) point without resorting to artless haranguing.

Family Tree: Your daughter has, um, sprung a pair.

Oh, Twig. If you want to be in Blondie, you still have some growing to do.

Family Circus: Here comes a customer, Mommy! Are we open for business?

And so Bill and Thel have decided to sell PJ at a yard sale. Seems to me they could get more money on the Internet, but I guess they're desperate and don't have time for a complicated transaction.

They'll probably listen to offers for the other kids, too. And maybe for Barfy, but it would have to blow them away, because, goddamn it, they really love that dog.

Blondie: Sara ad Elmo sittin' in a tree T-E-X-T-I-N-G.

Whoever this girl is that Elmo's texting, I'm sure she has enormous tits.

La Cucaracha: You expect me to write articles in 144 characters or less, Mr. Jefe?

Look, if you're going to insist on making lame jokes about Twitter, you should at least get the details right.

Mark Trail: Well, thanks to both of you things turned out the way they did!

Jack Elrod is a shockingly bad writer. Everybody already knows this, of course, but the dialogue in the first panel of today's strip is one of the worst things I've ever read. Doc's declaration fails on almost every level. It is not naturalistic. It is not clear. It is a grammatical disaster.

But oh, look. A pretty bird.

Family Circus: All the kids in my class are comin' to our garage sale. They don't have any money, but they like to watch.

This cartoon is hilarious because Thel's life continues to suck.

Zits: I'll be in here squandering what's left of my youth on an in-depth examination of the symbolism in chapter seven of Gulliver's Travels.

Gulliver's Travels is the shit, so Jeremy should shut the fuck up.

Ziggy: We've got a checks-and-balances system...and our role is to write the checks.

I had no idea that Ziggy made over $250,000 a year. This new information is going to make it hard for me to take his supposedly pathetic inadequacy seriously.

Arlo and Janis: Ah! The tectonic-plate special.

This comic is hilarious because Arlo is a douche.

Pluggers: A plugger doesn't need a bowl for his ice cream. It comes in a one-serving carton.

This cartoon is hilarious because pluggers are sinful gluttons.

Family Circus: Mommy, somebody put a B on your sign during the night.

This cartoon is hilarious because the vandalized version of the sign is true.

Dog Eat Doug: And thank you for making babies slightly evil and giving them the devious speed of a puma.

Sophie knows her Augustine.

Blondie: I thought he was handosome and charming and intelligent and funny and respects your privacy.

Dagwood is apparently incapable of forming coherent sentences.

I am not surprised by this.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Things is purty bad!!

And the moral of this story is that poor people are lazy and stupid.

Family Circus: Don't be afraid of the doggy--he won't hurt you!

This cartoon is hilarious because the dog almost certainly is going hurt PJ, and his siblings damn well know it.

Hi and Lois: There are so many different kinds of dogs.

This comic is hilarious because Trixie is overly literal.

Close to Home: Well, gentlemen, congratulations! Your experiments on enhancing intelligence have been quite successsful!

I liked this cartoon better when it was on television and called Pinky and the Brain.

Beetle Bailey: I don't turn you on anymore.

This is the creepiest comic strip ever.