Hagar the Horrible: It's what you have left after the government takes its share that's important!

Because we didn't get enough lame tax humor in April.

Family Circus: They 'LICKED the platter'? Isn't that bad manners?

This cartoon is hilarious because Dolly is not good at literary analysis.

Hi and Lois: Save your breath...send a text.

Ha ha! Technology!

This is one of those cases where it would have been useful for someone at Mort Walker Inc. to point out that the mere existence of something relatively new does not make it inherently funny.

Blondie: I've got a customer who wants to take his beeper home with him.

So Dagwood thinks slavery is awesome.

I'm actually not surprised by that.

Sally Forth: What happened to you and Dad having another kid? Why not focus on that again?

Even her daughter realizes that Sally needs a good, relaxing fuck. Too bad she's married to Ted.

Family Circus: G'night, Daddy! I think I better go to bed now!

This cartoon is hilarious because Thel is physically abusing Jeffy.

Baby Blues: Anyway, that's what it feels like to be me lately.

Considering that Jerry Scott created both of them, it's not surprising that Baby Blues and Zits are very similar strips. And so pretty much everything I wrote about Zits here applies to Baby Blues, too. The characters are sometimes too broadly archetypal (though, slightly sharper than the characters in Zits) and it sometimes leans too heavily on relatability, but the drawing is often terrific.

Such is basically the case with today's installment. The image in the second panel is just top-notch absurd humor. The faucet-breasts, in particular, are especially funny.

Pearls Before Swine: Dinky dinky dink.

For the past week, Pearl Before Swine has been running a series of thinly-veiled dick jokes.

That is all.

Mark Trail: Now, Andy!

And so Mark Trail is apparently transforming into manga. Should I have seen that one coming?

Family Circus: I'm glad we have PJ! It's nice to have a little kid around.

This cartoon is hilarious because Dolly lacks self-awareness.

Doonesbury: Ack! I had frizzy hair that day. Pick another.

So Alex is apparently transforming into Cathy. Should I have seen that one coming?

Hi and Lois: Sounds like somebody has learned how to change the channels.

Oh, those rappers with their bad words and objectification of women. Mort Walker Inc. wants nothing to do with smut like that.

Dennis the Menace: Ruff protects me from monsters, an' I protect him from thunder."

And by monster, Dennis of course means Mr. Wilson, whom he has artfully rendered in the drawing above his bed.

More seriously, I actually like this cartoon. It does exactly what Dennis the Menace and Family Circus are supposed to do, which is provide a nostalgic, slice-of-life childhood memory that makes the reader smile. That this is their goal is not the problem; the problem is how often they fail to achieve that goal.

Pluggers: Not only is a plugger's razor not disposable...he can't even remember the decade he got it.

Yeah, pluggers don't need no expensive, hoity-toity, elitist gadgets like...um, disposable razors? Hells yeah?

Adam@Home: (Do the puppy-dog-eye thing.)

When Katy does that, she's almost as terrifying as Rusty. But I'm amused that Adam and Clayton (and Rob Harrell, apparently) think it makes her cute.

Dennis the Menace: Mr. Wilson is a man of few words...goodbye, get lost and scram!

And a few others, of course, but Mr. Wilson warned Dennis not to tell his mother about those.

On a different note, could Alice's blouse be drawn any sloppier? Way to take pride in your work, Ketcham Inc.

Family Circus: Morrie twisted his ankle and can't walk right.

This cartoon is hilarious because Dolly has been baffled by homonyms.

Dennis the Menace: Ahh, this is my kind of gardening...planting yourself in a lawn chair.

This cartoon is hilarious because Mr. Wilson is a lazy fuck who makes puns.

Hi and Lois: They buried Beethoven ALIVE?!

This is what happens when Mort Walker Inc. cribs from Bil Keane Inc.

Family Circus: Mother's Day

This cartoon is hilarious because Thel's life sucks.

Blondie: Ha! Ha! Ha! This one is really funny! (Ed.- Not really.)

I was going to complain about how greeting cards are rarely funny. But it actually makes perfect sense that characters in a comic strip as trite and lame as Blondie would, in fact, find them funny. So I guess I have nothing to complain about. Other than Blondie's trite lameness, of course.